Four Hearts
by piratewench78
Summary: Maddie's emancipation tore apart her family. What would happen if she decided she'd made a mistake and tried to fix what she'd done?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I started this story several months ago, when the first spoilers came out about this storyline. At first, I was really disappointed to hear this was the direction they'd decided to take. As much as I hate that they're doing this to our little family, it also struck me as a real full circle story for Rayna, and that aspect of it intrigued me. Although she didn't squash her girls' dreams the way her father did her own, in her own way she still tried to influence the direction those dreams took. And just as she was a headstrong sixteen year old, anxious to make her own way in the country music world, so is her daughter Maddie. The difference is that Rayna had someone looking out for her who had her best interests at heart, while Maddie does not. As I thought about how I might want to tell this story, I ultimately decided not to try to rewrite the premise, but to just let it play out, with Maddie staying gone from Nashville for five years. This is what happens when she finally comes home, hoping to reunite with her family.**_

 _ **After the initial setup, there will be one chapter for each family member, starting with their own story in the immediate aftermath of Maddie leaving Nashville and then several vignettes in their lives afterwards, focused heavily on after Maddie returns home. I'm not going to try to resolve any plot points the show puts forth, like what happens with Frankie and Cash, just how they try to make sense of that time in their lives.**_

Rayna was sitting at the kitchen island, reviewing some contracts, when the door opened and Deacon walked in. She looked up and smiled. "Hey, babe," she said.

He walked over and kissed her, put his messenger bag down, then leaned against the counter. "You look all dressed up," he said, with a wink.

She stood up and slowly made a turn, her arms out from her sides. She was wearing a black and silver print dress with long sleeves that skimmed her body and ended several inches above her knees. "My husband is taking me out for dinner for our anniversary," she said, giving him a teasing look. "To a very nice restaurant."

He grinned. "He is, is he?"

She put her hand on his chest. "Yes, he is. And it looks to me like he needs to change into something a little more dressed up himself." Deacon was wearing a denim shirt over his jeans and well-worn boots. She leaned in and kissed him. "How did things go today?"

He put his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. "Good. I think we got all the tracks laid down. I listened to the last couple songs and I think it works. But Daphne needs to listen to see if it was what she was expecting."

The sound of feet skipping down the stairs had them both turn to see Daphne enter the room. "Did I hear my name?" she asked. Even at seventeen she was still a ball of energy and she had regained her happy, carefree demeanor.

Deacon nodded and smiled. "You did. I finished those last two tracks for you." He patted the messenger bag. "In here. You should listen over the weekend and let me know what you think."

Daphne threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. "Thanks, Deacon. I know they'll be great," she said.

He smiled over her head at Rayna. "Well, I'm an old guy, you know, so you better check 'em anyway." Daphne laughed.

Rayna ran her hand over Daphne's back. "What do you have planned for tonight, sweet girl?" she asked.

Daphne turned to her mother and rolled her eyes. "I'm going over to Jennifer's to study." She gave her mother a look, then looked at Deacon. "Since _some_ people think I need to actually pass math."

Rayna laughed. "You only have a couple of months of school left. Might as well get that diploma, you know?"

Daphne shrugged. "I guess. Can we _finally_ talk about a real tour once I do?"

Rayna smiled indulgently at her daughter and nodded. "Yes, we can." She and Deacon had kept Daphne on a little bit of a short rope while she finished school, letting her record albums and do limited concert appearances. They'd both breathed a sigh of relief when she had not challenged them or strained at the gentle leash they'd put her on. But Rayna supposed that was a reaction to all the turmoil that had gone on five years earlier. Even now, when her mind touched on that time at all, she felt a visceral pain in her gut, something she thought Deacon and Daphne did as well. They'd been so broken then and she had thought, for a while, they'd never be put back together.

Deacon squeezed her hand. "Hey," he said softly, and she turned back to look at him. He could see a sadness, mixed with a still raw pain, in her eyes. The same look he sometimes saw in Daphne's eyes and that he was sure they saw in his. They'd fought hard to get back what they'd lost and were always conscious of protecting that. He smiled encouragingly. "I'll go change."

"Are y'all going somewhere special?" Daphne asked, breaking the introspective moment.

Rayna turned to her and smiled. "We are. Sperry's. And Deacon's actually going to wear pants that aren't jeans and a shirt that's not flannel. Or denim." She winked at him as she ran her hand down his chest. "Five years," she said. "It's actually been five years."

She didn't say it had been five years since they'd been a complete family, before everything went so very wrong. It hadn't been a given they'd get to five years. Back then it wasn't even a given they'd get to one. But here they were and they never lost sight of what it had taken to get to this point. Every minute was precious now and they had resolved long ago to never forget that.

The doorbell interrupted them and they all frowned just a little. No one rang the doorbell who they weren't expecting. It wasn't as though random people could get through the gate and the fence that surrounded the property. No one was expected either.

Rayna walked out of the kitchen and into the foyer. When she opened the door, her breath caught in her throat. The person standing there was someone she never thought she'd see again, someone she'd willed herself not to think about, at first, and now was someone she'd largely erased from her life. And even though the young woman standing there didn't look so different than she had five years earlier, there was something fragile and broken in the way she looked now.

"Hey, Mom."

* * *

For a moment, Rayna just stared at the familiar stranger standing in front of her. She could scarcely breathe, her heart feeling twisted in pain. She took in the dark circles under Maddie's red rimmed eyes. She was thinner than Rayna remembered and her hair draped over her shoulders was back to its old familiar brunette. Her clothes were plain and non-descript; no more fashion-forward looks and designer shoes. Rayna registered the deep sorrow in her daughter's eyes and the defeated look about her, without feeling any emotion. She looked nothing like the defiant, angry sixteen year old who had walked out of their lives, filled with venom and revenge for imagined wrongs. She looked nothing like the person who had purposely destroyed them all and then left them to try to pick up the pieces.

She swallowed hard. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice flat and emotionless.

"I made a mistake. So many mistakes. I didn't know how to tell you that and I knew you were so angry….." Maddie's voice was quivering with emotion, tears rolling down her face.

"Why are you here?" Rayna demanded, her voice ratcheting up in volume.

Maddie started to cry. "I need you. I'm in trouble and I need you."

Rayna didn't know what to say. She thought she'd finally gotten past the devastating hurt Maddie had caused, had stopped thinking about it every day long ago. But it all came back in a rush, painfully, as she stood and watched this person, who used to be her beloved daughter, standing before her.

Maddie looked past her then and Rayna turned to see Deacon and Daphne standing at the entrance to the foyer, summoned by the voices. Rayna looked first at her husband, as he stared at Maddie with a mix of heartbreak, pain, revulsion and sadness. Maddie took a small step forward, not quite into the house.

"Dad," she said pleadingly. "I'm so, so sorry, for everything. I know that's not enough, but I really want to make it up to you. Please let me explain."

Deacon just stared at her and Rayna could see the tears in his eyes. He shoved his hands in his pockets and then, closing his eyes for a moment, shook his head. Then he turned and just walked away.

Daphne watched Deacon walk off, then turned back to her sister and took several steps forward. "I can't believe you came back," she said.

Maddie tried to smile. "I missed you so much…," she started.

Daphne frowned, holding up her hand. "Don't," she said. "You walked out on all of us. You _ruined_ all of us. You didn't want to be connected to me, didn't want your stupid little sister hanging on to your coattails. You pushed me away, made me feel like nothing. Told me to let you go. So I don't _need_ you and I don't _want_ you." She ran off in the same direction Deacon had.

Rayna turned back and looked at Maddie, whose face had fallen, dejected. "Please, Mom, I really need to talk to you. I really want to explain what happened. I know Cash and Frankie were trying to hurt Dad and I never meant for all that to happen. I wanted to tell you a long time ago, but I was so embarrassed…."

Rayna shook her head and then spoke as though she hadn't listened to a word Maddie had said. "You destroyed all of us, but mostly you destroyed your father. You destroyed him emotionally and you destroyed his spirit. You pushed him nearly to the edge, to the point where he almost gave up on everything he'd worked so hard for. You nearly broke us, all of us. I walked away from the only man I ever loved because of you. I walked away from my daughter because of you. You destroyed _me_. And I'm not sure I can ever forgive you for that." She took a deep breath. "I never dreamed I'd say these kinds of things to my own flesh and blood, the child I gave birth to and loved so much for all those years, but I can't stand to even look at you right now. You tried to destroy _me_ and your _father_ and your _sister_ , on purpose! I don't know how you think any of us could just welcome you back. I can't do this, Maddie. I just can't." And then she closed the door, slid down to the floor and sobbed.

* * *

She sat there for a long time, breathing in deeply. Seeing Maddie again had brought up powerful emotions and devastating hurt. She finally pushed herself up off the floor and walked up the stairs. She felt a little bit like she was in a fog as she headed for the far end of the house, the place where she thought Deacon would be. When she opened the door to the music room, she discovered she was right. He was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. She could see his shoulders shaking and she both hurt for him and felt rage towards the daughter who'd caused this. She went and sat next to him, putting her arms around him and leaning her head against his.

He finally stopped shaking and his tears dried up and he sat up and looked into her eyes. "Why?" he whispered.

She shook her head. "I don't know," she said. "She said something about being in trouble, but I don't know."

His face got dark. "Any trouble she's in, she can damn well get herself out of it," he said, his voice harsh.

She nodded. "I know." She took his hand. "I told her how much she destroyed us. Destroyed you. I couldn't let it not be said."

He raised his eyebrows. "I don't know what she wants, but I can't do it, Ray. I don't think I can ever look at her again." His face crumpled then and she put her hands on his cheeks and leaned in to kiss him softly.

She had tears in her own eyes, as she looked at him, the sorrow she felt about pushing him away back then feeling fresh again. "I'll protect you, babe," she whispered. "I'll be right here, I promise." He nodded and she leaned in and laid her forehead against his. She took a deep breath. "We can stay home tonight. Go out another time."

He sat back and shook his head. "Nah. She ain't spoiling our lives like that. I ain't letting her have power over me or you, ever again." He put his hands on her waist. "It's our anniversary and we fought to get here. We're celebrating."

She looked at him carefully and moved her hands to his arms, rubbing them gently. "Are you sure, babe?" she asked, wrinkling her forehead. "We really don't have to. It doesn't have to be tonight."

He shook his head again. "I'm good, baby." He breathed in. "We need this. Especially now."

She smiled hesitantly. "Okay then. We'll go. I'm going to go check on Daphne and I'll meet you downstairs."

They got up and walked to the door. Then he took her hand. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too, babe." She smiled and then they walked out of the music room together.

* * *

Rayna stood in Daphne's door. Her daughter was lying on her stomach on her bed. She remembered how hurt Daphne had been when Maddie had told her she didn't want to be stuck singing with her sister, singing baby songs. The way Maddie had broken Daphne's heart the night of the FosterMore benefit. She and Deacon had been shocked at Maddie's seemingly sudden desire to hurt everyone in their family. One of the things she'd worked so hard at, over the years, was making sure her girls were close. She and Tandy had always been close growing up and she wanted that for her daughters. And they had been, even through trying times, like when Maddie had found out Deacon was her father and when Teddy had gone to prison for embezzlement. Until a snake in the grass had twisted Maddie's perspective and turned her into someone none of them knew. It had hurt her to her core to watch how Maddie had destroyed that relationship with her sister.

What made it worse was that Daphne was at that awkward pre-teen stage and Maddie had played on every one of her sister's insecurities. She told Daphne she was too fat for the clothes she wanted to wear, told her she was silly, and called her songs childish. It had taken a long time for her youngest daughter to feel confident again. One of the things that had warmed her heart the most, in the past five years, was the close relationship Daphne had formed with Deacon. He'd needed a daughter and she'd needed a father and they had developed a tight bond that still held.

She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, laying her hand on Daphne's arm. "Sweetie, are you okay?" she asked softly.

At first Daphne said nothing. Then she turned over onto her back and frowned. "Why did she have to come back, Mom?" she asked. "She ruined everything and she'll just do it again. Everything was fine without her. Why?"

Rayna took Daphne's hand and squeezed it gently. Her youngest daughter had been like a swan over the last few years, coming out of the awkwardness of the early teen years to become a lovely young lady. Her voice had matured and she sang every bit as well as Maddie ever had. She'd stayed signed to Highway 65 and when she turned sixteen, had released an EP that had done very well. She'd been content, mostly, to play at the Opry and the Bluebird and other listening rooms in Nashville and surrounding areas, always on the weekends when Rayna and Deacon could go with her. She was ready now, though, to go out on her own, to show what she could do. It was the lesson Rayna had learned from the whole Maddie situation – she was determined to not let Daphne feel like she was being held back. She hoped Maddie's return didn't set her daughter back. "I don't know why she's back, Daphne," she said finally. "Maybe we'll find out."

Daphne eyed her mother suspiciously. "You aren't going to let her come back here, are you?"

Rayna shook her head. "No. I don't think it's a good idea for her to come here." She was already considering whether she should at least hear what Maddie had to say, but she wasn't ready to fully go there yet and she didn't want to upset Daphne or Deacon with the idea, at this point. She smiled at her daughter. "Are you still going to Jennifer's tonight?"

Daphne made a face. "I don't know. I don't think I want to now."

"I think you should. It might help." Daphne looked skeptical. "Deacon and I are still going out. I think you should too. I know it was pretty emotional having Maddie stop by like that, but I think we need to stay busy, not dwell on it. I think it would better if you didn't stay at home by yourself."

Daphne sighed and then sat up. "Okay. You're probably right."

* * *

Rayna thought Deacon tried too hard at dinner. He laughed too loud, he talked more than he usually did. But she let it go. She knew seeing Maddie had affected him more than he'd let on. As she lay next to him in bed later, her head on his shoulder and her leg stretched across his, she wondered what he had really thought when he'd seen her. She knew he would tell her most of it, but he still kept things close to the vest. He still had a hard time with the really emotional stuff, which had been part of what had torn them apart when things had gone so terribly wrong with Maddie. It was what had always made things messy and complicated and tumultuous between them.

They had both struggled to talk to each other back then, as the allegations grew more and more sinister. When Frankie and Cash had launched their campaign against Deacon, it had been confusing and frightening, leaving both of them grasping for any sense of reality. She felt her breathing quicken. Thinking about all of that still set her nerves on edge. When she'd finally found out what the two of them had done, both together and separately, and understood the depths of their plans, she'd had to fight to get Deacon back, as her husband, and to keep him off the ledge, as he teetered towards a relapse.

She ran her hand gently over his chest and he stirred, but didn't wake. They'd fought so hard to be together and then had almost lost each other in the end, because of someone else's rage and jealousy and misplaced agenda. She could feel the bile rise up in her throat and she swallowed hard. She'd fight as hard as she needed to, to protect Deacon and Daphne. And herself. She hoped Maddie had someplace else to go, because she certainly wasn't welcome in their home.

 _ **~nashville~**_

Maddie stood staring at the door, gasping for breath. It wasn't really that she'd expected to be welcomed with open arms, but she hadn't been prepared for the cold chill of her mother's eyes, for the outright rejection by her father, and the harsh words from her sister. She probably should have been, but she just wasn't. She felt the tears that coursed down her cheeks, but didn't raise her hands to wipe them away. She felt a knot in her stomach and a pain in her heart that nearly drove her to her knees.

Juliette had tried to prepare her, as gently as she could. Although she'd encouraged her to seek out her family, she'd also tried to help her understand it wouldn't be easy. And although Maddie understood that in her head, her heart had hoped that, once they saw her, they would listen. She stood staring at the closed door, hoping it didn't mean they were shutting her out forever.

Finally she turned and walked slowly back to the car Juliette had loaned her. She felt a little bit like she was in a dream sequence – or more accurately, a nightmare sequence – as she got in the car, put the key in the ignition, and then slowly drove out through the gate onto the road. After a few minutes of driving, she pulled over onto the side of the road and buried her face in her hands, overcome with sobs as well as the feeling that she would never be able to put this right. When she finally stopped crying, she reached in her purse and pulled out the bottle of pills. She opened it and tapped it on her palm, until two pills rolled into her hand. She popped them in her mouth and swallowed hard, tilting her head back. Now, at least, she would feel better.


	2. Daphne

_**This chapter is Daphne's story, from right after Maddie's emancipation up to about a year after Maddie returns to Nashville. Hope you like it!**_

 **Daphne**

Daphne was quiet during dinner. So was everyone else at the table. She could feel their eyes on her and when she'd look up, they'd look away. She could feel their compassion but it didn't help. She felt anxious and scared and all alone. She really wished she knew what was going on. She knew enough – that Maddie had asked to be emancipated and that her mom and Deacon had been in court over it. She hadn't been completely sure what that meant, so she'd looked it up. _You are mature enough to manage your own affairs. You can support yourself financially. Your welfare is better served by not being with your parents. There are no other reasonable solutions._ It had been confusing. Maddie was certainly not very mature. She'd run off, she'd lied about stuff, she made bad decisions. And she didn't understand how Maddie thought she'd be better off. They had a great mom and Deacon was really cool. She just thought Maddie wasn't getting her way and that her new friend Cash was behind it all.

"Daphne?" Daphne looked up. "Sweetie, do you want us to try your mom again?" Jennifer's mother was looking at her sadly. Daphne wasn't sure if she felt bad for her or if she was getting a little annoyed at her mom for not coming to get her.

Daphne dropped her fork on her plate and got up out of her chair. She shook her head. "I'll try her." She hurried off to the hallway, where her book bag was and found her phone. She wandered into the library and pulled up her mother's number. It went straight to voice mail. "Mom?" she practically whispered. "Where are you? What's going on? I'm still at Jennifer's." She swallowed. "Please come get me." She really wanted to cry. She was starting to feel scared.

* * *

Daphne was trying to focus on her history homework, in Jennifer's room, when she heard hurried footsteps coming down the hall. She assumed it was Jennifer's mother and sighed, bending down a little closer over her book. "Daphne?" She jerked her head up at the sound of her mother's voice.

Rayna looked like she'd been crying, her face puffy and her hair a mess. "Mom!" she cried and got up to run into her mother's arms.

Rayna held her tightly for a moment. "I'm so sorry, baby girl," she murmured quietly. Daphne looked up into her face and saw tears in her eyes. "Are you ready to go?"

Daphne nodded, then ran back to shove her history book in her book bag and zipped it up. Then she threw it over her shoulder and ran back to her mother. Rayna put her arm around her shoulder and they hurriedly walked out, without saying a word to Jennifer. Jennifer's mother was standing in the foyer and Rayna whispered a "thank you" without looking at her as she guided Daphne out of the house and into the car.

Daphne instinctively knew not to ask questions. She glanced over at her mother and saw how tense she looked as she gripped the steering wheel. When she looked back out the window, she realized they weren't driving towards home.

 _ **~nashville~**_

Daphne was sitting in Tandy's den, watching yet another movie. Almost all she'd done in the five days since her mom had dropped her off and vanished was watch movies.

She'd called Deacon and asked him to come get her, but he'd told her he couldn't. He'd sounded so sad. Then she'd spent some time on the internet, looking up all the stories about Maddie's emancipation and then she understood why Deacon was so sad.

She was getting angrier and angrier at Maddie. Her Aunt Tandy had seemed sad and disappointed about it all too. Daphne found herself hoping Maddie never came home.

Just then there was a knock on the door jamb and she turned to see Tandy standing there. Daphne paused the movie.

"Hey, sweetie," Tandy said, with a sad smile. "Your mom just called."

Daphne put down the remote and turned in the chair. "Is she coming to get me?"

Tandy shook her head. "No, but she wants me to take you back to Nashville."

"Is she going to meet us there?"

"No, she's got a little more to take care of before she can come home. But she'll meet us there in a couple days."

"Is Deacon going to be there?"

Tandy scowled. "No."

"Why not?"

Her aunt sighed. "That's something your mom probably needs to talk to you about."

Daphne felt annoyed with the lack of answers. "What about Maddie?"

Tandy breathed in. "She won't be there either." She walked over and sat on the arm of the chair and ran her hand through Daphne's hair. "Maddie's gone for now. I know your mom hopes she'll change her mind and come home, but for now, well, she's not."

"I read what she did."

Tandy's eyes widened. "You did?"

Daphne nodded. "I know she got emancipated. She thinks she's a grown up, but she's still a kid. She thinks because Mom did it, she can too."

Tandy frowned. "Your mom didn't ask to be emancipated."

Daphne made a face. "I meant that she wanted to be on her own, like Mom."

"Well, a lot of things were different when your mom was sixteen." Tandy sighed again. "I hope your sister figures that out soon."

Daphne frowned. "She's not my sister," she said. "I hate her. She was mean to me and to Mom and Deacon. She said terrible things about Deacon. I don't want her to come home."

"Oh, sweetie, don't say that."

Daphne scowled. "Don't tell me what to do. She wanted me to let her go, so that's exactly what I'm going to do." Then she got up and stormed out of the room.

* * *

A few minutes later, Tandy came into her room and sat on the edge of the bed. Daphne was sitting against the headboard with her arms crossed over her waist. Tandy put her hand on Daphne's arm. "Sweetie, I know this has been hard…."

Daphne shook her hand off. "How can you know? Mom leaves me here, Maddie doesn't want to be part of our family anymore, and I can't talk to Deacon. You have no idea how I feel."

Tandy smiled sympathetically. "You're right. Everything's kind of mixed up right now. But your mom will be back – soon – and we'll be there waiting for her."

Daphne pouted. "I hate this."

"I know, baby. I do too. But we're going back to Nashville tonight. At least you'll be home."

Daphne wanted to cry, but she didn't want to do it in front of her aunt. "Can I see Deacon when we get back?"

Tandy breathed in and shook her head. "Not right now. You'll have to talk to your mom about that."

Daphne sat up on the bed. "Why does everyone treat me like a baby? I know something's going on. Why can't you just tell me?"

Tandy looked at her niece carefully. "It's really not my place, sweetie. But I will say that there are some things that need to be worked out. Your mom loves you very much, though, and she's going to make sure it's all okay."

Daphne wasn't at all sure she believed that, but she decided to wait until she got back home to figure it out. As much as she didn't want to stay in California, she was nervous about going home. Nothing was right anymore. It had seemed, after the wedding, that things were finally good, but now they weren't. And she wondered if they ever would be again.

 _ **####**_

Daphne sat along the river bank, on the land that had belonged to her grandmother Virginia Wyatt. This was where her mom and Deacon were supposed to get married. It was supposed to be a happy day – and it was – even though they'd had to change locations and even though Maddie had been sulky. She hadn't realized then that it was the beginning of it all. Maybe she hadn't really realized that until now. But she leaned back on her elbows, tilting her face to the sun, her eyes closed, feeling the warmth.

The buzzing of her phone pierced the silence. She sat up and looked at it, then smiled. "Dad!" she said happily, as she answered.

"Hey, pumpkin, how are you?" Teddy's voice sounded relaxed, happy.

"Better, hearing from you," she responded. "How are you? How's California?" When Teddy had been released from prison, early for good behavior, he'd come to Nashville just long enough to tell her he couldn't come back for good. He'd wanted to start over, someplace else, and California seemed like a good place to do that. He'd moved to Southern California and lived in a quiet suburb of LA. She'd been sad to see him go so far away, but he'd been out of her life for so long, by that point, that it wasn't as painful as it could have been.

"Sunny. Warm. The way it is every day." He laughed. "You should come out sometime soon."

She nodded, smiling. "I will," she said. Then she was quiet, pensive, for a moment. "I miss you, Dad."

"I know. I miss you too." He paused. "I heard your sister was back in Nashville."

Daphne got that squeezed feeling in her stomach at the mention of Maddie. "She came by the house. Mom sent her away."

"You should see her, Daph."

"No, Dad," she said, angrily. "I hate her. She didn't want to be my sister, so now she's not."

"Daphne, don't do that. She _is_ still your sister. And she's hurting. She knows she did wrong. You should listen to her, see what she says."

Daphne stood up, scowling out over the river. "No, Dad. I can't believe you'd even suggest it. You have no idea what she did. You weren't even here!"

Teddy sighed. "I _do_ know what she did. Your mother came and told me. I even…I even talked to Deacon."

"What, now?"

"No. Back then. Look, I know you're angry. I understand that. All y'all have a right to be angry. What she did was terrible. But it's not unforgiveable."

Daphne was surprised he said that. "Yes, Dad, actually it is."

"Honey, she was a victim too."

"She _knew_ better." Daphne was crying now. "She _knew_ better and she kept hurting us." Her voice trailed off in sobs.

"Daphne, you forgave me."

She was still crying. "But you didn't tell us you didn't want to be our dad. You didn't deliberately hurt us."

"But you were hurt just the same." He breathed out. "Look, I'm just asking you to listen. Can't you just do that?"

Daphne suddenly felt like a lightbulb had gone on. "Wait. Did she come see you?"

"Actually she was staying with me for a few days. Right before she went to Nashville. Look, honey, she's in a really bad place. She needs all of y'all."

"So you're okay with what she did?" Daphne felt hurt then.

"No, sweetheart, I'm not saying that. I think she did the wrong thing back then, and I told her then I couldn't support it. But a lot's changed since then. And I just think we should all listen."

Daphne took a deep breath. "I don't know, Dad. I don't know if I can do it."

"Just try, baby. For me?"

"I don't know. I can't promise."

 _ **####**_

Daphne was sitting in the music room with her headphones on, listening to the tracks Deacon had brought home. He'd made several suggestions, when he'd heard the rough cuts, that he thought would improve the sound. He thought adding in a steel guitar would give the music a richer sound and, as usual, he was right. She smiled to herself as she listened, tapping her foot to the beat.

She looked up as the door opened and Deacon walked in. He gave her a small smile. She turned off the track and took off her headphones. "You didn't have to stop," he said.

She shook her head. "It's okay. It's only like the fourth time I've listened, I think." She smiled. "You were right about the steel guitar. It made all the difference."

He sat on the couch opposite from where she was sitting. "You think so?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

She nodded. "Absolutely." She breathed in. "You know, I really trust you about this stuff," she said. "I always have."

He smiled. "I'm glad you liked it."

She noticed he seemed on edge, a little twitchy almost. They hadn't talked about Maddie showing up, at least not the three of them together. She felt sure Deacon and her mom had talked about it, at least a little bit. But nearly a week had passed and they'd all avoided it and yet the tension in the house was palpable. She cleared her throat and he looked up at her. "Are you…are you going to see her?" she asked, her voice quiet. She knew he knew who she was talking about.

His expression was unreadable as he shook his head. "Nah."

He didn't say anything else, but she felt like his unspoken words hung heavy in the room. "Is Mom?"

She thought he looked like he wanted to cry. Or maybe he wanted to throw something. She couldn't tell for sure. So many emotions crossed over his face then. "She already did," he said, his voice flat.

She hadn't known that. But then she hadn't seen her mom much in the past week. She was either at her office or off by herself or alone with Deacon. "When?"

He shrugged. "You should talk to her about it, Daph."

She frowned then. "Why would she do that? Why would she hurt you like that?"

He raised his eyebrows. "She ain't doing it to hurt me. I think she just wants things to be taken care of." Daphne got up from where she was sitting and walked around to sit next to Deacon. She looked at him at first and then he put his arm around her and drew her into a hug. "She's protecting us."

She thought about that. As time had gone on, and she'd understood more of what had gone on back then, she'd first felt a deep hurt about how the sister she'd looked up to had turned away. Then it became anger at how she'd been so cruel and finally she'd pushed Maddie completely out of her mind, as though she'd never had a sister at all.

Along with that, she'd bonded more completely with Deacon. She'd grown up with Deacon in her life, as her mom's bandleader, and had adored him for as long as she could remember. When it turned out he was Maddie's father, it had seemed to change the dynamic, for her as well as for Maddie. She felt like she was on the outside looking in and, when her own father went to prison, she'd wondered where her place was. But Deacon hadn't let her pull away too far. As things had broken down in his relationship with Maddie, he'd seemed to need her more. And she needed him as well. Now she couldn't imagine her life without him and she considered him a father as much as her own was.

"I wish she hadn't come back," she whispered.

She could feel Deacon breathe in. "We'll get through it, sweet girl," he said, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. "All of us."

 _ **####**_

Daphne was silent as she and her mom headed out of the drive. She didn't really want to do this, didn't want to see Maddie, but her mom said she thought it was a good idea. She'd been a little surprised that Maddie had gone to rehab, that she'd had a drug problem. It hadn't changed how she felt, but it had felt strange. As they turned onto Old Hickory Boulevard, she glanced over at Rayna. She looked tense still, Daphne thought. It had been a tense morning. Deacon had said little at breakfast, even though her mom had tried to engage him in conversation. He'd finally stood up and said he was going to the cabin, picking up his keys and heading out the door without a backward glance. Daphne had watched her mom stand there, long after he'd gone, looking lost and a little helpless.

She knew they'd had conversations about Maddie, maybe even arguments. She could tell, because Deacon would be withdrawn and her mom would be emotional. It had been a tough few weeks, ever since Maddie had come back to Nashville. She had asked for Daphne to come visit several times, but she had always refused. This time her mom had pushed her to go.

She turned and looked at Rayna again. She was focused on the road, her lips pressed tightly together. "I don't know why I have to go," she said, finally.

Rayna looked over at her but Daphne couldn't see what was in her eyes, behind the sunglasses. Then she looked back towards the road. "You need to do this, sweetie," she said. "Maddie needs to make amends."

"I'm not forgiving her," Daphne said angrily. "And I don't understand how you could."

Rayna sighed. "It's not that simple, Daphne. It's a process and I want to support your sister as she goes through it."

Daphne frowned. "She's _not_ my sister! She's _nobody_ to me!" she shouted.

"Please, baby, don't say that. She _is_ your sister, even if you're angry with her. I understand what you're feeling. Believe me, I'm still angry too. And hurt. It was a really hard time, for all of us, but if she wants to make things right, I think we should at least try to hear her out."

Daphne scowled, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'll listen, but I'm not making any promises," she muttered.

Rayna reached over and patted her arm. "That's all we can do, baby," she said soothingly. "That's all we can do."

* * *

When they got to the rehab center, Daphne initially balked at getting out of the car. She wished she'd gone with Deacon to the cabin. She didn't want to see Maddie again, didn't want to listen to what she had to say. She still heard Maddie's voice in her head from five years ago. _You're just a baby. A silly, goofball baby. I'm a grownup now and I can't be singing your stupid songs about clouds and sunshine and silly stuff. I need to sing grownup songs about love and angst and all the stuff you don't know about. I just can't do this anymore, with you. I need to move on. You need to let me go._ She felt a lump in her throat even now. That had hurt her to her core, to have her sister turn away from her, especially when she was feeling so alone already.

Rayna had gotten out of the car and turned back to her. "Daphne? Come on, sweetheart," she said.

She shook her head. "No." She felt tears in her eyes and she hated that. "No, I'm not coming. I don't want to see her."

"Daphne, please," her mother said, pleading with her. "Just come in. If you don't want to stay you can come back outside, but please, just try."

She sat for a few more minutes and then finally she got out of the car and followed her mother inside.

* * *

Daphne didn't know what to expect when she walked in, so the pleasant surroundings were a bit of a surprise. She looked around her and then finally her eyes lit on Maddie, who was walking towards them with a huge smile on her face. For a moment, she was taken back to the days when they had been thick as thieves. Maddie looked so pretty, so different from the night she'd shown up on their doorstep. Thinking about that took her back to that night and all the nights that had preceded it and she felt the anger rise up in her throat.

"Hey, Mom," Maddie said. Daphne watched as Rayna hugged Maddie, a little awkwardly, then brushing her hair off her shoulder. Then she turned, her hand on Maddie's shoulder, as they faced her. Daphne had a hard time catching her breath. Maddie took a few steps towards her. "Hey, Daphne. I'm so glad you came," she said, her voice soft and welcoming and loving. The way it used to be. She reached her hand out, but Daphne took a step back. Maddie's face turned sad and her smile faded.

"Why don't we go sit down?" Rayna said then. "Just take a minute." She looked pleadingly at Daphne. She shrugged and followed them over to a seating area away from others who were there visiting. She felt a quiver run down her spine when Maddie sat next to her.

"I'm so glad you came, Daphne," she said. Daphne looked down at her lap. "I really wanted to see you. To tell you how sorry I am."

She looked up at her sister and scowled. "Sorry's not enough, Maddie," she said. "You said some horrible, mean things to me. And I didn't deserve that."

She could see tears in Maddie's eyes. "No, you didn't. And you're right. I said horrible things to you. Mean things. Hurtful things." She glanced over at their mother, then back at Daphne. "I was mixed up then. I thought I was all grown up and you were right, I wasn't. But I still thought I was. And I could tell you it was all Cash's fault, but it wasn't. It's all on me. I started it, by getting up on stage with Juliette and then pushing Mom and Dad away. And you."

She reached for Daphne's hand, but Daphne snatched it back. Maddie looked hurt, but kept going. "It was always supposed to be you and me, against the world. Remember that? I loved you so, so much, right from the beginning, as soon as you were born. But you know how my life got all mixed up and it was hard, even though I pretended it wasn't. When you find out your dad isn't who you thought, it makes you question everything. I tried to act like it was all okay, but I was so confused inside. And when I got to be on stage with Juliette, away from Mom and Dad, away from you, it just felt like where I was supposed to be."

Daphne looked up at her then and saw the anguish on her sister's face. "But why couldn't you have just said that?"

Maddie shrugged and shook her head. "I didn't know how. I felt like everyone in my life had made decisions for me and I wanted to make my own decisions, my own choices. Haven't you felt like that sometimes?"

Daphne thought about that. "Maybe." She glanced over at their mom, who looked a little sad. "But I didn't push anyone away. I knew Mom and Deacon wanted the best for me. They looked out for me," she said, defiantly.

Maddie nodded, with a tiny smile. "I know. They tried to do that for me too, but I was too angry to accept it. And I pushed everyone away. I listened to someone I shouldn't have and I did things I will forever be ashamed about because of that." She got a faraway look on her face. "You know, I've loved performing and being on stage and getting to experience all that. But it would have been better with you. I know that now. Nothing is as special as it is when you can do it with the people you love." She reached for Daphne's hand again and this time Daphne let her take it. "I miss you. You're one of the people I love the most and I miss you." She smiled sadly. "I've watched you, you know. You don't know it, but I watched you perform on the CMA's and I was so proud of you. You're so good and you're going to be so great." She brushed away her tears with her other hand. "I know sorry isn't enough to cover all the hurt, but I am sorry. So very sorry. And I want to earn your trust back. I want to be able to be your sister again."

Daphne took a deep breath. She felt as confused as Maddie said she'd been. She didn't want to just let Maddie off the hook, but she'd missed her too. She glanced at their mom, who was smiling encouragingly. She looked back at Maddie. "I can't promise anything, but we can try," she said.

Maddie half-laughed, half-cried. "That's all I can ask," she said. "I hope you'll come visit me again. I really want us to fix all of this. I want to make it right with you."

Daphne looked at her for a long moment, then, without thinking about what she was doing, reached out and hugged her sister. Maybe it was possible to fix this after all.

 _ **####**_

It had been three weeks since Daphne had gone to visit Maddie. She'd felt cautiously optimistic that they could repair the relationship, until she got home. She could see the pain and hurt in Deacon's eyes and on his face, and that tore her up inside. Deacon had been a rock for her, especially in the beginning when things were so mixed up, and the last thing she wanted to do was cause him pain. As she considered it all, she put all of the blame on Maddie. If Maddie hadn't gone through with her campaign to be emancipated and hadn't used Deacon's past against him to do it, they would still be a family. Her mom and Deacon wouldn't have gone through what they had. And the peace they'd finally found wouldn't be disrupted now.

She'd thought about it long and hard and finally decided she wanted to go see Maddie, by herself, to let her know just what heartache she'd caused. She didn't tell her mom what her plans were, just that she wanted to see Maddie alone. So she drove out on a beautiful Sunday morning, to meet Maddie at the chapel.

The church service was simple and Daphne found herself surprisingly moved. Maddie kept smiling at her and held her hand and that had felt comforting somehow, in a way that confused her. They had lunch afterwards and Daphne was surprised at all the people who came up to speak to her sister. It almost made her change her mind about telling Maddie how she felt, but she decided she needed to do it.

Maddie led them to a couch that was out of the way and, when they sat, she grabbed Daphne's hands and smiled at her. "I'm so glad you came," she said. "I've missed you so much."

Daphne looked at her for a moment and then frowned, pulling her hands away. "Why did you do it?" she asked. Maddie looked confused. "Why did you leave us?"

Maddie took a deep breath and looked way. "I told you," she said, looking back. "I thought I needed to make my own way." She sighed. "I just didn't do it the right way."

"Do you know how much you hurt us? All of us?"

Maddie nodded hesitantly. "I think so."

Daphne shook her head and frowned. "Actually, I don't think you do. I think you know how much you hurt Deacon, because he won't come see you or talk to you." Maddie looked down at her hands in her lap. "You know, he hasn't even said your name in five years. At least not while I've been around. But I bet he hasn't, even to Mom. I didn't know, at first, all the things you said about him. Or that you had your lawyer ask him. I know he didn't come home that night. And he and Mom almost broke up over all of that. It took him a long time to be happy again and that was because of you, Maddie."

Maddie looked at her then, tears in her eyes. "I didn't want to do that. But I wanted my freedom and I let myself get talked into doing that. I can't begin to tell you how much I wish…."

Daphne waved her hand in front of Maddie's face. "You wish you could make it up to him? Good luck. He was a good dad to you. He's been a good dad to me. I love him and I won't let you hurt him like that again. And Mom. She cried for weeks. She thought I didn't know, but I did. I'd hear her sometimes and I'd see in her eyes that she'd been crying. They felt like they had failed you, Maddie, when you were the one who failed them."

Maddie was crying now. "I know that, Daphne. That's what I've learned about myself since I've been here. And I want to make it right. With all of you."

Daphne shrugged. "You might be able to get Mom back, but Deacon and me? I don't know. It won't be easy. I still remember all the hateful things you said to me then. That I was too childish. And too young to know anything. How you pushed me away. How you walked away and told me to let you go."

"I didn't mean those things, Daphne! I was just so frustrated…."

Daphne felt tears in her own eyes then. "I don't care, Maddie. I looked up to you. I wanted to _be_ like you. You were so pretty and so talented. You and Deacon wrote songs together. I thought you were so lucky." She wiped at her eyes. "And after Dad went to prison, I _needed_ you. But you were too busy trying to get away, to be like Cash. You didn't have time for me and you pushed me away."

Maddie tried to grab her hands, but she pulled them away. "I'm so sorry, Daphne," Maddie cried. "I want to make it up to you. You're my _sister_ and I love you so much."

"I don't feel very loved, Maddie. I _didn't_ feel very loved." She took a deep breath. "You know, everything was good until you came back. And now it's not. Mom is trying so hard to be a good mom, but she's pulled in two directions. And she's so stressed. And Deacon, well, poor Deacon doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to be mad at Mom or hurt because she wants to help you, but all he can see is the daughter who betrayed him. It's been five years. That's a long time. We learned how to be a family without you. We stopped being sad and hurt and angry all the time. We were happy as a family, Maddie, and now we're all torn up again. Because of you. Again. Why did you have to do that?" She stood up then, looking down at her sister, tears streaming down her face. "I wish you'd never come back." She turned and ran out of the building, all the way to her car, and then she sat and sobbed.

* * *

When she walked into the house, she saw her mom and Deacon standing at the kitchen counter, their heads together, smiling and laughing over something. They both looked up when she closed the door. Deacon frowned a little. "Hey, sweet girl, you okay?" he asked.

"Daphne?" her mom said, a worried look crossing her face. She looked at both of them for a moment, wishing none of this had ever happened, that Maddie had not turned their worlds upside down, that they could go back to being the family they'd been for the past five years. But everything had changed and she wasn't sure what was next. She felt like crying, but not in front of them, so she ran past them towards the stairs. "Daphne!" her mom called after her, but she didn't stop, not until she got to her room and threw herself down on her bed.

She heard her mom's footsteps approaching her room. "Sweetheart?" she called softly from the door. Daphne turned over to face the door. "Can I come in?" Her mom's face looked so sad, it almost made her cry again. She nodded and Rayna walked over and sat on the bed beside her. She reached out and smoothed Daphne's hair back. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Daphne sighed. "I don't know."

Rayna bit down on her lip. "I know all this is hard and confusing. It is for all of us. And it's okay if you're having trouble with it."

Daphne pushed herself up to a sitting position, leaning against her headboard. "Is it? Because I feel like you've gotten over it, almost like it never happened."

Rayna shook her head, furrowing her brow. "That's not true." She reached for Daphne's hand. "I still hurt. Especially for you and for Deacon." She looked away. "I have a lot of conflicting feelings." She looked back at her daughter. "A lot. But I believe Maddie wants to try. And I'm willing to see how it goes."

Daphne screwed up her face. "But I don't understand, Mom. All the awful things she said and did. How can you forget that?"

"I haven't forgotten that. And I won't forget that. But it's been five years. And a lot can happen in five years. People can change, can see their mistakes, can ask for forgiveness. We don't have to give it to them, that's true. We can hold on to all that anger and hurt and pain and I'm not saying that's always wrong. It's taking Deacon a longer time to get over this. And that's because he feels everything so deeply and because he was so hurt. I think he'll forgive her though. It's not really in his heart to hold onto that." She smiled a little and took Daphne's hand. "And I don't think it's in your heart to do that either. But I understand that you both need a little more time."

Daphne held her mom's hand tightly. "Do you think we'll ever forget?"

Rayna screwed her face up for a minute, then shook her head. "Probably not. It's not like it goes away. But we can move past it. Find a way to move forward." She smiled sadly. "You know, Deacon and I hurt each other a lot when we were younger, before Maddie. And all the stuff around that, well, it took us a while to be able to work through all that. So I think he'll get there with Maddie. And I think you can too. Just remember, she came back, knowing we'd all be angry, knowing it would be hard, because she wanted to try to fix things."

Daphne shrugged and sighed. "I guess." She let go of Rayna's hand and drew her knees up to her chest, resting her chin there. "I made her cry today. I told her how mad I was at her and how awful she'd been and I made her cry." She rubbed at her eyes. "It made me feel good for a minute, but then it hurt so bad to see her cry and I just had to leave."

"Maybe one day you can tell her that. That it hurt you to make her cry. Maybe that will help."

Daphne sat silently for a moment, then moved to her knees and hugged her mom. Rayna hugged her back. "Maybe it will," she whispered.

 _ **####**_

Daphne wondered what Maddie would be like, now that she'd finished ninety days of rehab. In many ways she'd seemed like the old Maddie, when she'd visited, but Daphne wondered if that was real. After all, she'd been gone for a long time and she'd had a different life than the one she'd left behind. She'd been on her own, which was what she'd wanted, performing and writing music. Daphne wondered if she'd really be able to settle back into their family, be a part of that.

She and her mom waited in the lobby. She watched her mom fidget with her hands and run her tongue over her lips. Maddie wasn't going to come back to their house – Deacon still wasn't ready for that – but it had seemed important that they pick her up. After a few minutes, Maddie rounded the corner, pulling a rolling bag behind her. Daphne looked up at her mom and saw a smile cross her face.

Maddie looked good. She was smiling as she approached them and when she stood in front of them, Daphne saw she had tears in her eyes. "Hey, Mom," she said softly and hugged Rayna. Rayna held tightly to her daughter, rubbing her back, before letting her go. "Thanks for coming," Maddie said.

"You look really good, Maddie," Rayna responded.

Maddie nodded. "I feel really good." Then she turned to Daphne. She hesitated, biting her lip.

"I'm sorry, Maddie," Daphne said. "I'm sorry about what I said." She felt a lump in her throat.

Maddie shook her head. "It's okay. You're here now," she said quietly. Then she leaned in and hugged her sister. "I'm so glad you came," she whispered in Daphne's ear.

When they got in the car, Daphne sat up front and Maddie got in the back seat. At first they were all quiet, although Daphne could see her mom look in the rear view mirror, as though she was making sure Maddie really was there. Daphne thought about the fact that, when they were growing up, there were never these awkward silences, as though they were all strangers. Rayna had always made sure to stay close to them and even that felt strained.

The silence stretched out and Daphne wondered if anyone would ever say anything at all. When Maddie started to sing, it was, at first, very quiet, barely registering over the car noise. _I'm gonna need an anchor / Someone to call me home / Gonna need somebody / To leave the porchlight on / If I ever get lost out there on my own / Gonna need an anchor / Someone to call me home._

Daphne recognized it as the song she and Maddie had sung at the FosterMore benefit show that their mom had organized, at the Ryman. The last time they'd sung together. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and then she found herself joining in _. If all our dreams are just wishes / If every wish needs a star / If all an ending really needs is a brand new beginning / All love needs is a willing heart / All love needs is a willing heart._

Daphne picked up the next verse. _I'm gonna open up my own wings / The ones you helped me make / The ones that you promised no one could ever take away / I made them out of your love / They're the kind that never breaks / I'm gonna open up my own wings / The ones you helped me make._ Her voice trailed off at the last words, thinking about how she'd felt when Maddie had left their lives, how lonely she'd felt, and lost. She still remembered Maddie's last words to her. _I'm not emancipating from you. We're still sisters. But you have to let me go._ The pain of that had ached for a long time.

 _And if all our dreams are just wishes / If every wish needs a star / If all an ending really needs is a brand new beginning / All love needs is a willing heart / All love needs is a willing heart._ Maddie's voice was strong and true as her eyes locked on Daphne's. Daphne could see her tears and gave her a tiny encouraging smile. Then she reached over the seat for Maddie's hand and her sister grabbed it.

 _Gonna need an anchor / I'm gonna need wings / I'm gonna need a willing heart / To chase down all these dreams / Gonna need understanding / When it's hard to understand / But I'm gonna need your love / No matter where I am._

When they finished, they sat looking at each other. Then Maddie squeezed Daphne's hand. "I've missed you so much," she said. "I've missed doing this. I would dream about it sometimes, over all these five years, but especially while I was at Riverside. It was always the best time of my life."

Daphne felt the tears roll down her face. "Mine too." She breathed in deeply. "I'm glad you came home."

 _ **####**_

Daphne walked into the restaurant and saw that Maddie was already there. She smiled and waved as she weaved through the tables to the little two top where her sister was. "Hey," she said, as she leaned in to give Maddie a hug, then sat down across from her.

Maddie grinned. "Thanks for meeting me," she said. "It's been a while since we've gotten together and I wanted to hear how your tour was going."

Daphne picked up her menu and glanced over it, not looking at Maddie. "It's good," she said. It felt a little awkward, talking to her sister about her career. It made her think about the fact that it was something the two of them were supposed to do together. She'd been so excited when their mom had told them she wanted to sign the two of them to Highway 65. But Maddie had ruined all that when she'd run off and then won her emancipation. Even though she and Maddie were repairing their relationship, that still hurt.

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay," Maddie said softly.

Daphne looked up and saw the sadness in Maddie's eyes, the acknowledgement that she knew what could have been. She felt like she had a knot in her stomach. She shook her head. "No, _I'm_ sorry," she said. "I do want to tell you."

Just then the server came up and, after they gave their orders, Maddie took a sip of her water. "So how is being on the road with Cole Swindell?" she asked.

Daphne smiled this time. "It's good. I feel like I'm really an artist now."

"You mean, since you're not doing it with Mom and Dad?" Maddie smiled shyly.

"Yeah. I mean, they were great. _Are_ great. But now I feel grown up. Finally." She took a deep breath, thinking about how that sounded. Maddie thought she was grown up at sixteen, but Daphne certainly hadn't thought so. She gave her sister a serious look. "So, was it all what you thought it would be? When you went out on your own?"

Maddie looked a little surprised at the question, at first, and hesitated a moment before she answered, as though she were thinking of the right words. Finally she looked at Daphne sadly. "No," she said. "It really wasn't."

Daphne was a little surprised at that. "How come?"

Maddie sighed. "Well, it just didn't go the way I thought it would. I guess I thought I'd be a star. That if I could just get out from underneath Mom's control, everything would be like I'd dreamed it would be. I wanted to be like Juliette. I thought I was so smart and could handle anything that came along, but I really wasn't. I mean, Juliette had Glenn to help her and I know now that he really helped her a lot. And I knew Mom had started out when she was sixteen, but then she had Dad. And Watty. So she wasn't really alone, making decisions by herself."

Daphne frowned. "You had somebody."

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Well, not somebody who was looking out for me. She was using me for her own purposes. She didn't really care about my well-being. Not like Glenn cared about Juliette. Or Watty cared about Mom." She rubbed at her eye. "Nothing really went like I thought it would. I never charted a record. I never really got on a big tour. I had to deal with all the gross people that were out there, all on my own. Cash was never going to protect me. And then Sony dumped me. I'd gone through all of that for nothing."

"Why didn't you come home then?"

Maddie shook her head. "I didn't think I could. I had hurt y'all so bad and I thought Mom and Dad wouldn't let me come home. I mean, I had emancipated myself from Mom. She didn't owe me anything. And I said horrible things, Daph, you know that. I made them feel so bad. And you."

Daphne swallowed hard. "You should have come home, Maddie. We missed you."

Tears filled Maddie's eyes and she tried to laugh them away. "I couldn't, though," she said, her voice cracking with her emotions. "I was so embarrassed."

"But you came home now."

"Well, I didn't have a lot of choice, really. I had no money, nowhere to stay. I'd overdosed on pills and I was in bad shape. I think I'm probably the poster child for 'be careful what you wish for'. It was a struggle, every day. I never really had a place to call home, never knew if I'd have enough money to eat. I didn't want anyone to help me, because, after a while, I felt like it was kind of my penance, you know?"

"But you had Glenn," Daphne said.

"I did. And he helped a lot. Kept me afloat. But I was not reliable, always. I was a risk. And Cash spread a lot of bad stuff around about me after I dumped her. So it was hard. Maybe one day I'll tell you the whole story." She smiled weakly. "At the end, I sort of got overpowered. By Glenn and Juliette and our dad." She reached across the table for Daphne's hand. "You did it right, Daphne. You let Mom and Dad help you and you're going to be so successful, I just know it." She smiled. "I'm so happy for you."

Just then their food came and they focused on that, instead of the painful remembrance of what had once been.

 _ **####**_

Daphne met Maddie at the small studio apartment Maddie had started renting in East Nashville just after New Year's. "So here's the kitchen and the living room and the bedroom and the bathroom," Maddie said, as she turned in a slow circle. Then she laughed. "It's the first place I could call my own, since a year after I left Nashville." As soon as she said it, she her smile faded and she breathed in slowly. "It actually feels really good to have a place of my own," she said softly.

Maddie had been back almost a year. They still had their ups and downs. It wasn't easy mending the relationship, forgiving what she'd thought was unforgivable. Even on the good days, the pain was still there, lurking beneath the surface, ready to spring up angrily and furiously, after a thoughtless word or a remembered hurt. But this day was a good day.

Daphne reached out and squeezed Maddie's hand. "I really thought you must have had everything you ever thought you wanted," she said.

"Actually Mom and Dad were right and I didn't know much of anything when I was sixteen," Maddie said. She looked over at Daphne and gave her a sad smile. "Or seventeen." She took a deep breath. "I'm glad you let them help you." She walked over to the loveseat and sat, Daphne following behind.

Daphne ran her tongue over her lips. "Did you blame me?" she asked. "When Deacon found you that night at the bar?"

Maddie looked confused. "Why would I blame you?" she asked.

Daphne looked down. "Because I told him where you were."

"What? How did you even know that?"

"Because I heard you and Cash planning it. And I was so mad, because you were ignoring me and treating me like a baby. And then you lied to Deacon."

Maddie looked away. "I never knew that," she said quietly. She took a deep breath, then looked back at her sister. "There was a part of me that was glad he came, because it was a little scary. Not the performing part, because I wanted to do it. But the guys were older and this guy groped me, right there on stage. If Dad hadn't stopped him, I don't know what would have happened."

Daphne frowned. "Then why did you run away?"

"Because I was stupid. I thought he and Mom were holding me back and that he was a crazy person." She got a little teary. "He was just protecting me. Like a good dad would. Like _our_ dad always did."

Daphne looked at her. "You hurt him really bad, Maddie. It was like you told him he didn't exist for you."

Maddie nodded sadly. "I know. I can't even explain it. I think it was like I didn't know him like I thought I did. And instead of trying to understand, I just turned away. Which was terrible. And then Cash told me all these awful stories about how her dad was and how much it had screwed up her life. And how _my_ dad was going to do the same thing. Then she told me all these things her dad had told her. It was awful."

Daphne looked at her sister thoughtfully. "Will you tell me the whole story now?" she asked.

Maddie took a deep breath. "It's not a pretty story," she said.

Daphne shrugged. "It's okay. I can handle it."

"Well, I'll start by saying there was a lot of stuff that was confusing in my life. It really started as far back as when I found out our dad wasn't my dad. When Deacon and I started to get to know each other, that way, it was mostly good. And mostly because I didn't live with him. I mean, I could go to his house for guitar lessons and it was always good. No real pressure, no real rules. I felt like he got me, you know?" Daphne nodded. "And I really wanted him and Mom to be together." She looked at her sister sadly. "I know that was hard for you, and I'm sorry."

Daphne shook her head. "It's okay. I love Deacon and it's okay."

Maddie smiled. "But when he moved in with us, things were different, and I saw a side of him I didn't know and I didn't understand. I get it now – he wears his heart on his sleeve and he feels everything really intensely – but back then, he just wasn't the Deacon I thought I knew and I had a hard time processing that. And then I got a chance to be on stage with Juliette and I really knew then that I wanted to be an artist."

"Which is when Mom signed us to Highway 65."

Maddie tilted her head to one side. "But it was more than that. Sony wanted to sign me then and Mom said no. Edgehill had actually signed me when I was fifteen and Mom bullied them into tearing up the contract. It felt like she was trying to hold me back, like she didn't believe in me, didn't want it for me. The Highway 65 thing felt like a consolation prize. Like she was only doing it because she had to give me something."

Daphne looked away. She remembered how excited she'd been about the Highway 65 deal and how dismissive Maddie had been. It still hurt. Maybe it would always hurt, that her sister had rejected her that way.

Maddie bit down on her lower lip. "I really am sorry about all the things I said then. I was a stupid sixteen year old, for one thing, but, you know, I met Cash then. And she seemed so smart and sophisticated and she was so sure of herself. She encouraged me and made me feel like I had something special to offer." She sighed. "I know Mom and Dad did the same thing, but, you know, they were my _parents_. It wasn't really the same at all. At least the way I saw it. Plus I could talk to Cash about things I couldn't talk to them about. Grown up things that I couldn't tell them. She listened and she understood. What I didn't know was that she was using all that to pull me away from them. She was the one who encouraged me to emancipate from Mom. She was the one who wanted me to talk about how violent and insane Deacon was. She wanted to pull me away from everything I knew."

"Why did she do that?"

Maddie shook her head. "I don't know if I understand all of it. Some of it was her relationship with her dad. It was complicated and maybe even a little twisted, I don't know. But he was pretty crazy, apparently, when he was younger. When he was drinking. I think she made a link between an alcoholic and being crazy and violent. And convinced me Dad was the same. And she played on that feeling I had that Mom was trying to control me and keep me from doing what I loved. Because that's what she felt like _her_ mom was doing, trying to keep her close to protect her from her dad. But the more I was around her, the more I realized there was something not really right about her. Every time I wanted to do something of my own, she would undermine me. Not overtly, but kind of like 'are you sure you want to do that?' or 'I don't know if that's going to be the right sound for you', things that would make me question myself."

Maddie reached out for Daphne's hands. "At first, things were great. I was free. I had this great contract with Sony and a big advance. We went to New York and LA and I thought it was all going to be my dream come true." She sighed.

"But it wasn't?" Daphne asked.

Maddie shook her head. "No. I couldn't write anything without Cash being involved. At first that was okay, but she never let me write on my own. She picked out the songs for my album. She set up all these meetings with radio and press and label people and told me I had to sleep with them to get my songs on the radio." Daphne gasped. "She told me everyone did it, that Mom even did it, which I don't think was actually true." She got teary then and reached for Daphne's hands. "Please don't tell Mom and Dad. I don't want them to ever know that. I think Mom was worried about that for me. And Dad too. I just don't want them to know." Daphne took a deep breath, but she nodded, and Maddie seemed to relax a little. "It was awful and I felt so used, but I didn't know any better. At first, anyway." She shrugged. "It didn't matter in the end. My album never charted, so my songs didn't get played anyway. I did all that for nothing. I was so miserable and I cried all the time. That's when Cash started giving me pills. They helped me feel better and made things tolerable." She dropped her head. "At some point, I must have taken enough to make me stop feeling anything at all. And that's when things kind of went off the rails."

Daphne reached in and hugged Maddie. "I'm so sorry," she said.

Maddie shook her head. "You know, I think I deserved it. After my second album was a stiff, Sony dropped me, and then Cash kind of went ballistic. That's when I finally got the courage to walk away. I probably spent a year living in shelters and playing gigs around LA. I finally called Juliette and that's when she sent Glenn to help me." She made a face and wiped the tears away. "Not that it helped a lot. I had burned a lot of bridges, thanks to Cash _and_ to my own stupidity. He did all he could to at least keep me afloat. Until that night when I kind of hit rock bottom. I was opening for a local band, but I couldn't keep it together. I overdosed and that's when I ended up coming back here. I had nowhere else to go."

Maddie wrapped her arms around her waist. "I don't think I would have done any of the things I did if it hadn't been for Cash, but I have to take responsibility for my own choices. She lied to me about a lot of things and I believed her, because I wanted to. I'm just so sorry that all of you ended up hurt in the process."

Daphne moved over to put her arms around her sister. She found herself being grateful Maddie had been able to find her way out of the nightmare her life had become.

 _ **####**_

When Daphne walked onto the stage at the Bluebird, the first person she looked for was Maddie. Her sister was sitting at a table just off to the right of the stage. Maddie had beamed at her as she'd launched into her set, clapping enthusiastically at the end of each song. When she got to the final song of her set, she'd paused for a moment and looked out at Maddie. "I have one more song to do and I'd like to do something that's really special to me," she said. "It's a little old now, but it's the first song I ever sang on a real stage in a real arena." She smiled for a moment. "I was nine then and for as long as I could remember I'd always wanted to perform, which I guess makes sense when your mom is Rayna Jaymes." There was soft laughter from the crowd and she grinned. "Anyway, my sister and I had practiced this song at home, but we didn't know our mom was going to let us do it for sound check that night, until she sent us up on stage. It was probably the most exciting thing I'd ever done. It's a song called 'Ho Hey'."

She started the opening melody line and then she stopped. "You know what would make this even better? If my sister Maddie would come up here and sing it with me. Just like old times." She smiled at Maddie, who had looked surprised and then tearful. She nodded and gestured to Maddie to come up. When Maddie got on the stage, one of the band members pulled a chair out for her and she sat next to Daphne, smiling. Then Daphne pulled the guitar strap over her head and handed her guitar to her sister. "You're still a much better guitar player than I am, so will you do the honors?"

Maddie grinned. "I would love to," she whispered. She started the same melody line and then, when Daphne nodded at her, she started to sing. _I been trying to do it right / I been living a lonely life / I been sleepin' here instead / I been sleepin' in my bed / Sleepin' in my bed…._

When the song was over, the crowd cheered enthusiastically. Maddie looked at her sister with tears in her eyes, and then reached in to hug her. "I've missed singing with you," Daphne whispered in her ear.

When Maddie pulled back, she smiled. "Me too."

 _ **A/N: I used the song 'Willing Heart' and did my best on the lyrics. At the time I wrote this, there weren't any that I could find and I tried to decipher them from the song. Unfortunately, Lennon tends to sometimes slur words when she sings, which makes them hard to figure out, but, even if I'm wrong, I think what I came up with makes sense.**_


	3. Maddie

_**You may start to notice, after this chapter, that there are scenes that also get played out in other chapters, where you'll get the rest of the scene from someone else's POV.**_

 **Maddie**

When Maddie woke up, the first thing she noticed was that her mouth tasted like puke and was as dry as the Sahara. The second thing she noticed, as she rolled over, was that she was twisted up in a sheet, naked. She sat up in a hurry, pulling the sheet around her, wondering why she was in bed naked. And then the third thing she noticed was that her head hurt worse than she ever remembered it hurting before. She lay back down on the pillow, with a moan, and felt like the room was spinning.

She tried to remember where she was and what she'd been doing. She closed her eyes and she had a vision of her father, sitting in court. His face was a mix of hurt and anger and embarrassment and intense sadness. She squeezed her eyelids shut, as though she could rid herself of the image that way. She felt sick to her stomach. Not just the throw-up kind of sick, but the heartsick kind of sick. But just for a moment, because then she remembered why she was wherever she was. Her mother was a controlling bitch and her father was a violent alcoholic.

Just like Cash had told her, it was no place for her to be. She needed to be someplace, and with someone, who would nurture her talent and help her be successful, not with someone who wanted to keep her tied to her little sister, singing nursery rhymes or something similar. And certainly not with someone who might physically hurt her if she got in his way. She frowned. But those were Cash's words, not hers. She had certainly wanted her freedom, but she'd felt a little bit bad about how things had gone down. She hadn't really wanted to hurt them, just make them let her be more independent.

Hadn't her mother been on her own at sixteen? Maddie couldn't figure out why she hadn't understood that she wanted the same thing. It was too bad she'd had to go this far, but it was her mom's fault. And her dad's fault. They hadn't listened and had tried to keep her from following her dream.

As hard as she tried, she couldn't stop the images spinning through her head. That hurt and betrayed look on her dad's face that had made her sick to her stomach. The look of shock and dismay on her mom's face, looking like she wanted to break down right there in the courtroom. The tears in Daphne's eyes while she'd told her all the reasons she had no interest in performing with her anymore, why needed to let her go. _What did I do?_

Just then a door opened and Maddie opened her eyes to see Cash walk in, all smiles. She hopped onto the bed next to Maddie, causing her to groan. "Still not feeling good?" Cash asked, a smirk on her face.

Maddie shook her head. "What happened?"

"When we got to New York, we went to a party. Do you remember that?"

Maddie screwed up her face. "Vaguely."

"Well, it was a party with all the important music people here. So we can take that Sony deal and leverage it for something even better. I think you had a little too much to drink though." She rolled her eyes. "Of course, considering what your father is, I'm not surprised you can't hold your liquor. You did get a little out of control and I had to bring you back here before you blew everything."

Maddie took a deep breath. "What did I do?" she asked, a little fearful of the answer.

Cash gave her a little Cheshire cat grin. "I never knew how flirty you could be, Miss Maddie," she said. Maddie felt a spasm in her stomach. Cash looked at her like she knew what Maddie was feeling. "But don't worry, I didn't let you go all the way. Just a little flirty and a little light teasing and then I got you out of there before anyone went too far. Got to keep that mystery going."

Maddie still felt sick to her stomach. She wasn't sure if Cash was telling her the truth, but she was afraid to ask too many questions. She wondered just how much she'd had to drink. "Where are we?"

Cash hopped up off the bed and walked over to the window, pulling back the curtains, filling the room with a bright, white light, which made Maddie feel like she was going to puke. "A hotel. Just temporary until I find us an apartment."

Maddie rolled over so that her back was to the window. "I don't want to drink anymore, Cash. I feel awful. This is the worst thing ever." Suddenly she started crying. "I don't know if I can do this," she sobbed.

Cash came back over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Yes, you can, Maddie," she said, her voice soothing. She reached over and gently pushed Maddie's hair off her face. "You're going to be the next big thing. I'm going to make sure of that. That's why we did all this. It's all going to be okay. I'm never going to let anything bad happen to you. I'm always going to be there for you. I promise."

Maddie slowly opened her eyes and looked at Cash, sitting there looking confident, smiling at her. She trusted her. Otherwise she never could have broken free. She had to trust her going forward. She took a deep breath, pushing aside any lingering doubts about what had happened in Nashville, determined to focus on the great future Cash Gray had promised her.

 _ **~nashville~**_

Maddie was sitting on the balcony of the small apartment Teddy was living in now. Her head hurt and her mouth felt dry and when she held up her hand, she could see it shake just a bit. It felt a little bit like that time she'd gotten so drunk, right after she'd left Nashville. She'd never had another drop of alcohol, but she hadn't realized taking too many pills could be as bad. She had been grateful that Teddy let her come stay with him. She hadn't been at all certain what kind of reception she would get, when Glenn told her he'd reached out to him. But when she and Glenn had showed up on his doorstep, he'd looked at her with great compassion and had pulled her into an embrace.

She felt teary as she thought about it. He'd been pulled into that long ago battle because he was her legal father, if not her biological one. He had not had much leverage then, being in prison, and she had closed the door on him as firmly as she had her natural parents, when it had all gone down. But he'd listened to her story and then, after he and Glenn had talked, Glenn left her with him. He'd let her sleep in his bedroom, while he took the couch, and she'd slept for nearly twenty-four hours. Now she felt raw and on edge, something they'd told her, at the hospital, was normal.

 _She was sitting in a chair in her hospital room when Glenn came to pick her up. She felt like she'd been beaten up, sore and shaky. But he looked at her fondly, as he always did, with a look of compassion and care. "You ready to leave?" he asked._

 _She shrugged. "What am I going to do?" She knew she'd been kicked off the tour and she really had no place to go. In between gigs, she lived in hotel rooms that charged by the week or the month, usually wherever a tour ended that she'd hooked up with or a city with enough places for her to pick up nightly spots. This wasn't what she'd thought life on her own would be like, wasn't what Cash had promised her all those years ago. But then nothing had been like Cash had promised. Not really._

 _Glenn sighed. "I think you need to take some time and get better, Maddie," he said. "I talked to Juliette and she suggested you come back to Nashville."_

 _She was shaking her head determinedly, even before Glenn finished his sentence, a frown on her face. "I can't go back there," she whispered. "I'm not welcome there anymore."_

 _Glenn came and sat on the edge of the hospital bed. "You don't know that," he said, kindly._

 _She raised her eyebrows. "Yes, I do. I burned all my bridges there. I can't go back."_

 _He nodded. "Well, that's what Juliette thought you'd say. So she found out your father lives near here."_

 _She looked at him with a puzzled look on her face. "Deacon lives here?"_

" _No, no," he said, shaking his head. "Teddy Conrad. He lives out here now. In Azusa." He smiled. "He said you can come stay with him for a few days, while you get your bearings."_

 _She hadn't said a word, just burst into tears. She'd thought even he would have turned his back on her and she still wasn't expecting much from him, until he opened the door to his apartment. She hadn't expected the compassion on his face or the hug he enveloped her with. It was the first time in five years that she believed she might finally be making her way out of the nightmare she'd created for herself._

She turned when she heard the screen door slide open. Teddy walked out with two mugs of coffee and set one down in front of her. He smiled. "I didn't know if you drank coffee, but thought you could probably use it anyway," he said.

She took a deep breath and smiled back. "Thanks." She picked up the mug and lifted it to her lips, taking a tiny sip of the slightly bitter brew. She winced. "It's hot."

He sat down next to her. "Let it cool down a little," he said. They sat silently for a minute and then he looked at her carefully. "I'm going to give you some advice, Maddie, whether you want it or not."

She looked at him and shrugged. "Okay."

He took a deep breath and then let it out. "I think you should go home."

She shook her head and frowned. "No…."

He held up his hand. "You need to do this, Maddie. You need to fix this. Glenn said he can arrange for you to stay with Juliette Barnes for a little while."

"I can't, Dad," she said, tearing up. "They hate me."

He swallowed. "Maddie, they're your family. Your mother, your father, your sister. It might not be easy, and in fact, I think it won't be, but you need to do it."

"I want to stay here with you."

He shook his head. "You can't. Not only do I not have room, but you need to make amends. To them." He leaned forward. "Maddie, I know you don't want to admit it, but you overdosed. I don't know if it was the first time or one of many and, quite frankly, I don't need to know. That's something you need to talk to your mom and your dad about. They can help you."

She screwed up her face. "But I don't think they'll want to, don't you understand? I burned all my bridges when I left Nashville. I hurt them all so bad. And I don't think…I don't know if Dad will ever forgive me."

He looked at her with sadness in his eyes. "You have to try, Maddie."

* * *

It had taken another couple days for him to convince her she needed to go home. By then, he'd bought her a plane ticket and had taken her to the airport. He went in with her to get her bag checked and he stood at the security area, watching her go, after telling her that he was going to wait to be sure she got on the plane.

He had hugged her fiercely. "You need to make things right, sweetheart," he'd whispered hoarsely in her ear.

She had cried and then she had nodded, and finally she had left him to go through security and head for the gate. A part of her wanted to bolt, to run back out and away from him, and everyone and everything else. But she also, deep down, wanted her family back. _Needed_ them. And she didn't have anywhere else to go. The tour had dropped her, after the overdose, and she had no friends, no one to rely on. Glenn had told her to go home, but she'd made him leave her at Teddy's instead. But he was right, and Teddy was right, and even Juliette, when she'd called her, had begged her to come home.

So now she was sitting on a plane, terrified of what she would find when she got back to Nashville. When the flight attendant stopped at her row, she'd gotten a cup of water. Then she'd fished around in her purse and pulled out a bottle. She opened it, shook out two pills, and then popped them in her mouth, swallowing them down with half the water. Then she leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes, willing herself not to think about what she'd find when she went back home.

 _ **####**_

"Hey, Maddie, you ready?" came Juliette's voice as she rounded the corner into the bathroom. Maddie was frozen, as she watched Juliette come into view and then saw the look on her friend's face as she took in her own reflection in the mirror. She was standing there with a pill bottle in her hand and two pills in her palm. Juliette scowled and walked over, snatching her hand. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She took the pills and the bottle and emptied everything into the toilet, flushing it all away. Then she threw the empty pill bottle in the trash. "Not in _my_ house!" she shouted. "Not ever in _my_ house!"

Maddie stood there, shaking. "I…I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just don't know what to do."

Juliette grabbed her wrist and Maddie winced from the pain as her friend dragged her over to the bed and shoved her down on it. She sat next to her and leaned in, her face like a steel mask. "You just overdosed and now you want to do this again? Do you not understand you can't?"

Maddie started to nod and then she burst into tears, putting her head in her hands. "They don't want me," she said, brokenly.

Juliette reached out and pulled the younger woman into a fierce embrace. "They need time, baby," she said soothingly. "You need to give them some time. But taking pills isn't going to help."

Maddie held onto Juliette for a long time, sobbing. Finally, when she'd regained some of her composure, she'd sat back and looked at the other woman. "Are you sure Mom will see me?"

She thought she saw something in Juliette's eyes, but her friend had smiled at her, grasping her hands and squeezing them. "Yes. I know she will," she said.

* * *

As they sat at Frothy Monkey, Maddie looked down at her hands. She could see them shaking, ever so slightly, and she put them down in her lap. Juliette kept looking around and then back at Maddie. "She must be running late," she said.

Maddie sighed. "She probably changed her mind. She slammed the door in my face and she won't take my calls."

Juliette frowned. "She'll be here, Maddie. She's worried about you." Just then she looked towards the door and lifted her hand.

Maddie followed her eyes. Framed in the doorway was her mother. She felt a mix of anxiety and hope as she looked at Rayna standing there, her sunglasses covering her eyes, her mouth a firm line on her face. She stood there for so long, Maddie thought she might turn around and leave, but then she slowly walked towards them. When she got to the table, she stood for a moment, looking down at Maddie through her dark glasses. Then she reached up and slid the sunglasses back on top of her head and sat down.

She could see the strain around Rayna's eyes and she was struck by the steeliness of her gaze. There was no warmth there at all and Maddie shivered involuntarily. "Thanks for coming, Rayna," Juliette said, and Rayna turned to look at Juliette, with no expression on her face.

She looked back at Maddie, who thought that maybe her face had softened just a little bit. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "Juliette told me you overdosed," she said to Maddie bluntly, her voice flat. "Is that true?"

Maddie was a little taken aback by the lack of compassion, although she knew she shouldn't have been. For a moment she wanted to cry, but she took a deep breath and breathed out slowly. "I guess," she said. "It was an accident."

Rayna closed her eyes for a second and then, when she opened them, she shook her head slightly. Her voice was hoarse and low when she spoke. "I can't believe you let yourself get caught up in that, Maddie. You knew better. I suppose that was one more thing Cash got you caught up in." She frowned. "So what's this all about? What's your plan?"

Maddie stared at her. "I don't know what you mean. I don't have a plan, Mom. Other than I want to fix what I messed up."

Rayna rolled her eyes and then looked at Juliette. "I thought you said she needed help," she said.

Juliette huffed. "I told you she needed _your_ help. Can you just listen to her?"

Rayna made a noise, shaking her head. "I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to listen just yet." She looked back at Maddie. "I need you to do something that tells me you really want to make amends. That you really are serious about this."

Maddie felt tears in her eyes and, even though she tried to will them away, they came anyway. "I _am_ serious about this, Mom. I wouldn't have come back here if I wasn't." She put her hands on the table, palms up. "What do you need me to do? I'll do anything."

Rayna just stared at her for a moment. "Go to rehab," she said finally.

Maddie made a face. "Rehab? I'm not an addict. I stopped taking any pills when I was in California," she said, knowing that wasn't true. _But I don't really have a problem._ "Now that I'm back here, I don't need anything like that."

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "Those are my terms, Maddie," she said firmly. "That's the only way I'll know you're serious about this. Teddy told me about what kind of shape you were in when you came to his apartment." Maddie looked away. "He told me what Glenn told him." She took a deep breath. "You need help, Maddie, not only for that but you need to figure out what made you do all this. What made you decide you needed legal emancipation." She practically spat out the last two words.

Maddie looked back at her. "It was Cash," she said, pleadingly. "It was all Cash."

Rayna shook her head. "There was something else, something that made you listen to _her_ instead of your father and me. Something that made you turn against the people who loved you, who wanted to protect you." Her voice trailed off and Maddie thought she saw the glisten of tears in her mother's eyes. Rayna took a deep breath and then breathed out. "Those are the terms. Go to rehab. Figure this out. Then we'll see." She slid her sunglasses back down over her eyes and got up, turning and walking out of the coffee shop without a backward glance.

Maddie watched her mother walk out, tears silently rolling down her face. Then she turned to Juliette, who was looking at her with a sympathetic face. "What do I do now?" she whispered.

Juliette put her hand on the table, face up, and Maddie laid hers on top. Juliette then gently squeezed it, giving her an encouraging look. "Actually, I think going to rehab isn't a bad idea," she said. When Maddie frowned, Juliette gripped her hand tighter. "I'm serious, Maddie." She sighed. "It was one of the best things I ever did," she said softly. "You and I, we have another thing in common. We come from a history of addiction. It's in our blood. I know my mama wouldn't have wanted that to happen to me and Deacon wouldn't have wanted it to happen to you. It's a sad legacy we have, but the good news is we can do something about it. And your mom's right. It'll help you get to the bottom of everything, pull up all the mess and sort it out. And when you come back, you'll be able to get on with life."

Maddie took a deep, shuddering breath. "And everything will be okay then?" she asked.

Juliette gave her a sad smile. "I can't promise that. Sometimes everything doesn't work out the way we want it to. But no matter what happens, you're in a better place in your life and you can move ahead."

"I don't know if I want to do this if I can't have my family back," she sobbed.

"Maddie, you have to do this for yourself. Not for them or for something you think you're gonna get." She paused a moment. "Your dad told me once that he got sober for your mom. But that wasn't enough. Once he realized he had to do it for himself, he could really make it work. Just like me. I couldn't get sober and well so that Avery would take me back. I had to do it because it was the best thing for _me_. When you can make yourself whole again, then the things that are meant to be will fall into place. I promise."

 _ **####**_

Maddie was finishing her packing when she heard the doorbell ring. She was nervous about going to rehab. She knew she had agreed to it, but now she was a little scared. She didn't consider herself to be an addict – definitely not like how she'd heard her dad had been – but she was willing to go for thirty days to be sure she was clean. And to make sure her family knew she was serious about making things right.

As she closed the suitcase and lifted it off the bed onto the floor, she heard two sets of footsteps coming down the hall. She frowned and turned towards the door. Juliette walked in, followed by her mom.

"Mom! What are you doing here?" she asked.

Rayna glanced over at Juliette, then back at her. "I'm taking you," she said.

Maddie smiled. "Really?" She took a couple steps towards her mom but Rayna held up her hand.

"I just want to be sure you get there," she said. "That's what this is."

Maddie's heart sank. "Oh. Okay."

Rayna gestured with her hand. "You ready then?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

Maddie nodded. Juliette walked over and hugged her tightly. "It's gonna be okay," she whispered in her ear. " _You're_ gonna be okay." She stepped back and smiled encouragingly.

"Thanks for everything," Maddie said, then hugged her again. When she stepped back, she grabbed the handle on her suitcase and followed her mom, turning back to raise her hand in a goodbye to Juliette.

* * *

There was very little conversation in the car. Maddie was going to Riverside, which was just west of Nashville. She knew it was the same place her dad had gone, the first two times he'd gone to rehab. When Maddie tried to talk, her mom gave short, clipped answers, and her body language was stiff and uninviting. Eventually Maddie just sat and stared out the window as they drove out of Belle Meade, into the suburbs, and then down a winding country road.

Not long before they reached the rehab facility, Maddie tried again. "How's Dad?" she asked.

Rayna looked at her briefly, with a frown, then turned back to look out the windshield. "It's been hard on him, truthfully. You really hurt him deeply, Maddie. He'd gotten to a place where he could be happy again and now this…."

Maddie sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sure you are," Rayna said, after a moment. "But he isn't ready to just forgive you or let it go. It's been five years, Maddie. That's a really long time to be gone and just expect everything to be okay when you decided to come back. You have to understand that it could take a long time." She glanced quickly at Maddie. "For all of us."

Maddie didn't respond, just sat there with tears in her eyes. She thought back to all the time her dad had spent with her, teaching her the more intricate chords on the guitar or helping her with her songwriting. He'd always tried so hard to be a good dad, even though he often felt like he wasn't that good at it. She wished she told him more often how good a dad he really was and how much she loved him. She wished she had talked to him about what she'd seen at his house after Beverly had died. She hadn't understood his grief and his guilt. She'd never seen that side of him and it had scared her a little, but she wished she had talked to him about those things instead of pushing him away. Instead of saying she was scared of _him_.

* * *

When they walked up to the reception desk, Maddie was surprised when Rayna said she was checking her in for ninety days. "Mom, no," she said. "You've got to be kidding. It was just supposed to be thirty days."

Rayna looked at her. "No, I'm not kidding, Maddie. I know you think you just have a little problem, but trust me, I've had a lot of experience with this. It's a lot more than just a little problem. I want you to really learn how to fix this. And thirty days just doesn't get it."

Maddie made a face. "Mom, I'm not an alcoholic. Or a drug addict."

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "Actually you are, Maddie. And you have a genetic predisposition to it, so this is the deal."

"It's not the same…."

Rayna frowned. "Not the same as your father? Maddie, it's _exactly_ the same. I've seen it before and you're no different from your father back then. But I want to give you your best chance to make this a one time thing."

Maddie wanted to cry, but she wasn't going to do it in front of her mom. She breathed in. "Will you come visit?" she asked.

Rayna nodded. "I will, periodically. To see how you're doing."

"Will you bring Daphne? And Dad?"

Rayna looked uncomfortable. "Daphne might come, but don't count on your father." She stood there for a moment, then somewhat awkwardly she reached out and pulled Maddie into a brief hug. "Good luck. Work hard," she said.

Maddie could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, as she tried to cling to her mother. "I love you, Mom. I really do. And I promise, I'll work hard."

Rayna moved Maddie's hands and took a step back. "That would be good." She took another step back. "I need to go. I'll come back, in a few weeks."

Maddie watched as her mother turned and hurriedly walked out the front door, leaving her there to face this all alone. She took a deep shuddering breath, wondering if this would help her find her way back to her family.

 _ **####**_

Maddie had been at Riverside for ten days when she had her first visitor. She felt a slight twinge of disappointment when it wasn't anyone from her family, but she was happy to see Juliette just the same. They walked over to a seating area that offered a little more privacy and Juliette smiled at her encouragingly. "You look good," she said. "How are you feeling?"

Maddie nodded, smiling. "Good. Very rested," she said, with a laugh. "And tired of talking."

Juliette smiled knowingly. "Yeah, there's sure a lot of talking. But it helps."

"I was hoping maybe my mom would come visit," Maddie said, with a sigh.

"I think she will. But you need to be patient with them. It's been five years. You've been gone five years. And they learned how to move on without you here." She took Maddie's hands. "I can't pretend I understand all the reasons why you did what you did. I mean, I know you wanted to spread your wings, but you were one of the lucky ones. You had parents who'd gone through it themselves, who understood how much you loved music, and who loved _you_. It's going to take them awhile to get over all the hurt."

Maddie lowered her head. "I know Cash manipulated me. I know she had her own reasons for trying to separate me from my family. I don't know all the reasons, but I do know her dad blamed my dad for all the things that happened to him." She looked up at Juliette and sighed. "I felt like such a fool that I fell for all that."

Juliette frowned and shook her head. "Maddie, you were young. Sixteen is wise in some ways, but not so much in others. And she told you things you wanted to hear."

Maddie nodded. "She did. But she got me to do things I didn't really want to do. I just thought I was scared to try stuff, at least that's what she said. I realize now that she was pulling me away, creating that wedge between me and my family." She smiled sadly. "Glenn was really the one that got me away from her. He really saved my life."

"He's the best," Juliette said, with a smile. "Are you journaling?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I am."

"That really helped me so much." Juliette grinned. "It also turned into a whole lotta songs."

Maddie laughed. "I have a feeling it will for me too." She took a deep breath and reached for Juliette's hand. "Thanks for being there. For being a true friend to me. I…well, I don't think I'd be able to do this, any of this, if I didn't have that."

Juliette scrunched up her face. "Sweetie, I've been where you are and I know how hard it can be. I know you're feeling really alone right now, but I think they'll all come around, when they see how much you want this. How hard you're working for this."

Maddie could feel the tears trail down her cheeks. "I hope so. 'Cause I really, really miss them. And I'm so afraid I waited too long."

 _ **####**_

Maddie saw her mother stand up as she walked into the family center. She felt nervous as she started towards her. She also felt hopeful, because she hadn't been at all sure Rayna would come. She hadn't been there since she'd dropped Maddie off at Riverside and she'd been very noncommittal when Maddie had talked to her on the phone about visiting.

Her mother hadn't changed much in the five years since Maddie had been gone from Nashville. She knew Rayna had mostly stepped out of the spotlight as time had gone on, moving from touring and performing to spending more time at her label. There had been so many times over the past five years when she'd wanted to reach out to her parents, and particularly to her mom. Glenn had been a godsend in helping her navigate the music business landscape, but there had been so many things she would have liked to have talked to Rayna about, learning from her experiences as a young artist trying to become successful.

But here she was, standing there, her eyes sad, her posture stiff. Maddie was so grateful she had come. "Hey, Mom," she said softly. "Thanks for coming."

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "Well, it sounded like it was important," she said.

Maddie nodded, swallowing over a lump in her throat. "It is." She gestured towards the loveseat Rayna was standing in front of. "Can we sit?"

"Sure." Rayna looked a little uncomfortable, but she sat, and Maddie sat next to her, a little space between them. Rayna folded her hands together on her lap. "So what's going on? How's the program going?"

Maddie smiled. "It's good. I'm feeling better. And learning a lot about myself." She breathed in. "Which is why I wanted to see you. I, uh, I talked about some things with my counselor that she thought I should start talking with my family about." She looked at her mother expectantly.

Rayna just looked at her. "Okay."

Maddie ran her tongue over her lips. She'd been thinking about this for several days and now all her practiced speeches went out of her head. She felt a little frantic then and she realized her mom was just staring at her, waiting. "So, we've been doing a lot of talking about what was going on back then. You know, before…everything, I guess." She took a deep breath. "I wanted so badly to be able to perform on my own. You know that. I really think I was a lot like you that way. I know you wanted to help me, support me. And I know a lot of why I started to push was because of the Sony contract offer. It made me feel like I was right, that I had some talent and that I should be able to start living my dream. But I was sixteen years old and, from the point of view now of being twenty-one, which I know isn't that old either, I get that I couldn't see the big picture. I'm also pretty sure, though, that if a couple things hadn't happened, we wouldn't be where we are now."

Rayna frowned. "Maddie, your father and I gave you that opportunity when I signed you and your sister to Highway 65."

Maddie nodded. "Yes, you did. But as much as I had loved performing with Daphne, when you're sixteen and your sister is twelve, that's a huge difference. I had had experiences that I couldn't share with her, that she couldn't relate to, and that had changed me."

"What, like getting up on stage with Juliette Barnes?"

"There was that, but that was really actually such a small part of it all." She swallowed hard then and looked off over her mother's shoulder. "Colt and I had sex that night," she said quietly.

Rayna caught her breath. "What?" she asked, incredulously.

Maddie looked back at her. "That kind of experience changes so many things," she said. "It made me feel grown up, even though I really had no clue back then." She paused. "I'm pretty sure you can relate, because I'm pretty sure you had sex for the first time around then too." Rayna looked away and Maddie knew she was right. It wasn't that she was trying to be hurtful, but she wanted her mother to understand. "I thought I was being suffocated then," she went on. "I felt like I was being treated like I was Daphne's age. And I had so many feelings and wondered about so much, but I felt like I couldn't talk to you about them. Or Dad. But there was Cash."

Rayna looked back at her and scowled. "Cash put you up to all of this," she said angrily.

Maddie shrugged. "She enabled me, Mom. It was things I wanted to do, that you and Dad wouldn't let me do, but she gave me permission. She was old enough that she'd had all these life experiences and I thought she understood me more than you and Dad did. She could validate my feelings and then give me what I thought was wise advice." She spread her hands out. "I realize now that she had her own agenda. Or maybe no agenda at all, in the beginning. I do know she manipulated me. She charmed me into doing what she wanted and then, when her dad started drinking again, she used me in his vendetta against Dad. But by then I was caught up in her web and I didn't know enough to know better."

Rayna looked at her evenly. "I don't believe you didn't know better, Maddie," she said then. "I'll never believe that."

Maddie looked down. "I felt bad about it, I'll admit that. But Cash convinced me you'd never let go of the control. That as long as I was tied to Highway 65 I'd never be able to do what I truly wanted." She looked back up at her mother. "There were so many times when I wanted to come home or call you, when I was scared. I got into so many situations that I didn't know how to handle. That's when Cash got annoyed with me, but I was so tied to her by then that I didn't know how to get out. She controlled everything I did and she was always there." She laughed sadly. "Kind of ironic that I didn't want to be controlled by you and Dad, but I let myself be controlled by Cash. But by the time Juliette sent Glenn to get me out, I was too scared to call you or Dad."

For the first time, Maddie saw a glimmer of sorrow in her mother's eyes. "Maddie, you could always have called us," she said softly.

Maddie raised her eyebrows. "Really? After what I'd done? What I'd said? How much I'd hurt all of you?" she asked.

Rayna nodded. "Of course," she whispered. She cleared her throat and her voice got stronger. "It would have been hard, but you could have called us. We would have helped you. But you waited so long…." She looked down at her hands.

Maddie swallowed. "Too long?" she asked.

Rayna looked at her, then reached out and took her hands, shaking her head. "No. You're still our daughter, Maddie, no matter what you've done or what's happened to you or us. That hasn't changed. But so much time has gone by and now that you're here, well, we'll have to bring up all that stuff we moved on from all those years ago. We all went through therapy back then. We had to, to understand how we'd gotten to that place, how we'd lost you, how to move on from that. It was horrible at times, digging up all the old hurts, especially for your father and me."

Maddie felt tears trailing down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Mom," she said, her voice breaking. "I thought I'd screwed up everything forever. I was scared that if I came back you'd tell me you hated me, that you could never forgive me."

Rayna squeezed her hands. "Hate is a strong word. Especially for the child I gave birth to and raised up and loved with all my heart." She smiled sadly. "I was disappointed. And hurt." She nodded. "And angry. You rejected us, Maddie. All of us. That hurt more than anything I'd ever felt in my life. Seeing what it did to your father and your sister, it broke me. But it isn't something we can't come back from. It just might take time. Maybe a lot of time. Because there's a lot to heal from."

Maddie nodded. "I know. And I have to learn to forgive myself too. For everything I did, all the hurt and the pain I caused. I don't understand all that yet, but hopefully it's what I'll learn here."

Rayna took a deep breath and smiled encouragingly. "I think you will. I can tell you, because I went through this with your father, that you probably have some of the same demons running through you that he did. I always thought, when you were growing up, how much like him you were. I never thought you'd struggle with this like he did and I'm so sorry you are. And I think that adds to the hurt your father feels, the fact that you got that from him too."

Tears streaming down her face by then, Maddie struggled to gain some composure. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I love you all so much and all I want is for us to be a family again."

Rayna slid over and pulled Maddie into her arms. "I know, sweet girl," she murmured. "I'm just so glad you finally came home."

 _ **####**_

Juliette held her while she cried, patting her arm and making soothing noises, much like she remembered her mother doing when she was young and had a disappointment. This was far greater than a disappointment, however. She was beginning to think she would never be able to repair the relationship with her father. He'd looked so hurt and angry as she'd tried to explain. He hadn't said a word, just got up and walked out. She loved him so much and she felt such despair over the thought that he might never let her back in.

He hadn't come to see her in rehab, hadn't made any effort to reach out to her. Juliette had gotten him to come to the house, but he'd almost walked out when he realized why he was there. Maddie supposed she should be grateful he'd even listened to her at all.

She sat up, her eyes burning from her tears. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?" she asked.

Juliette looked at her with compassion. "I think he will. But you can't expect it overnight." She sighed. "It took months before Avery would have a conversation with me that didn't involve yelling and bringing up all the bad stuff. It took him a long time to trust me again. And you were gone a long time. That makes a difference. So you have to give your dad some time. He was really hurt back then."

Maddie started crying again. "I wish I could take it all back. It was the worst mistake of my life."

Juliette frowned. "Well, you had help with that. If that witch Cash hadn't put all those terrible ideas in your head, maybe we wouldn't be here now."

Maddie nodded. "Mom was right. I was too young to know what she was doing. But I still hurt Dad so bad." She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "He still won't even talk to me. Even now that I've gone through rehab and everything. I need to make amends and he won't let me."

Juliette took her hand. "I think he'll get there eventually. He knows what you're going through. Which is probably part of why this is so hard for him. I'm sure it hurts him to know you've fallen down this same rabbit hole."

"I wish you'd been here then," Maddie said sadly.

Juliette smiled encouragingly. "I wish I had too, baby," she said. "I'm so very sorry I wasn't there to help you, to listen to you."

"I just wanted to be on my own. I wanted to be like Mom and have my own career. Be like you. I know I was mean to Daphne and I feel so bad about that. I didn't want to hurt her, but I just felt so much more grown up than I really was."

"I was the same way, you know. I thought I was all grown up too, but I wasn't. Just like you weren't. I think what saved me back then was Glenn, although it took me a long time to realize that. He protected me from a lot of stuff. Cash took advantage of you, plus she was helping her dad take Deacon down. She was twisted, for sure." She squeezed Maddie's hands. "But you couldn't have known that. So don't beat yourself up for it."

Maddie felt the tears rolling down her face. "But I ruined my dad. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for doing that."

"Maddie, honey, one day your dad is gonna forgive you. But first you need to forgive yourself. It wasn't all your fault. Deep down, I know Deacon still loves you. You just need to give him more time." She put her arms around Maddie and held her. "It's gonna be okay. It may take a while, but I promise, it's gonna be okay."

 _ **####**_

Maddie stood at the French doors in the study and looked out towards the pool, where she saw her father sitting. He still didn't feel comfortable when she came by the house to see her mother or Daphne and he'd find someplace else to be. She was grateful that they were making tentative steps towards each other, but those conversations still felt stilted and awkward and always took place somewhere else.

When she felt a hand on her shoulder, she turned to see her mother standing behind her. "Hey, Mom," she said, smiling sadly.

Rayna looked past her for a moment, then back at her. "Why don't you go out there?" she suggested.

Maddie breathed in. "I don't know. I think he goes out there to avoid me. And maybe I should just let it be."

"I think you should try." She rubbed Maddie's back and smiled at her encouragingly, then turned and walked out of the room.

Maddie stood there for a few more minutes, then finally opened the door and walked out. She made her way slowly out to the pool. She knew he heard her coming because he turned his head ever so slightly as though he were listening to her footsteps. When she got to where he was sitting, he looked up at her. She hesitated for just a moment, then sat down next to him.

She looked at him, rubbing her fingers along the arms of the chair. He breathed in as he stared at her, but he didn't say anything. She turned her gaze out over the pool. "I was getting ready to leave and just wanted to say goodbye," she said finally. She looked back at him.

He leaned forward just slightly, clearing his throat. "Your mama tells me you're doing good. Going to your meetings," he said. It was the first time he'd talked to her about that.

She nodded. "I am. It helps." She pushed her hair behind her ears, feeling nervous. "I've been writing a lot. I even sold a song." She smiled shyly.

He raised his eyebrows. "That's great." He worked his lip a moment. "Are you, uh, are you playing anywhere?"

She shrugged. "A little. I've sat in with the Song Suffragettes a couple times. That's a good group and there are some really talented artists. Supportive."

He gave her a ghost of a smile. "Good for you. I know it's hard, uh, to get back out there." He frowned then. "You writing on your own?"

She nodded. "Yeah. For now. One of the women I played with a couple weeks ago wants to write together though, so I think I'm gonna do that." She smiled a little. "It feels good to be back. I really missed this place," she said wistfully. He just nodded, not saying anything. She breathed out. "Well, I guess I should get going." She stood up and turned to go, but then turned back to him. She bit her lip and took a deep breath. "I love you, Dad," she said softly. She thought she detected the hint of tears in his eyes, but he didn't say anything, just looked at her. She lifted her hand in a wave and then turned to leave.

As she walked back up to the driveway to her car, she kept hoping he would follow her or call out to her, but he didn't, and as she got closer to her car, the tears started to spill down her cheeks.

 _ **####**_

It was a beautiful spring day, as Maddie drove into Percy Warner Park. It was one of those days that was pretty close to perfect, with clear bright blue skies and no clouds and pleasantly warm temperatures with just a lazy breeze. The grass and trees were a brilliant green and the flowers were blooming. She parked and then got out of her car, gazing up towards the sun, with a smile on her face. Life was good these days, for the most part. She was clean and healthy, she was making progress in restarting her career, and she'd rebuilt the relationships with her mother and sister. But best of all was that she and her father were finally working towards healing all those old hurts. She had hoped it would have happened sooner, but she understood why he was cautious. He was why she was here today. This had become their meeting place, where they talked about life and music and trying to heal.

She headed for the entrance and walked up the steps and turned left on the walkway. The trees thickened and she saw him sitting on one of the benches along the trail. He stood as he saw her approach, his hands jammed into his pockets. She smiled when she reached him. "Hey, Dad," she said.

He smiled back. "Hey, Maddie." He waited for her to sit and then he sat back down as well, leaning forward slightly with his elbows on his knees. He never hugged her, rarely touched her, and she understood, although she always hoped for more. "You doing okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. I just came from a meeting." He looked away for a moment, a tightness appearing around his mouth. She knew it still hurt for him to think about her going through what he had. She took a deep breath. "Next week is my one year, Dad."

He looked back at her and smiled. "Congratulations. That's big."

"How did it feel when you hit a year?" she asked.

He sat back, resting his arms along the back of the bench seat. "I only made it once," he said, his voice tinged with sadness. "Unless, I guess, you count the second time, after the accident." He cleared his throat and turned to look at her. "It was a big deal. Especially since it took five times to get there. I almost made it the first time, but, you know how that all went."

She nodded. "What made it work the last time?"

He took a deep breath. "I finally got it, that if I didn't do it then I was probably gonna die." He paused. "And I didn't wanna die." He looked off into the distance. "I'd lost everything then. Your mama being the most important. And of course, I'd lost you." He looked at her then and she looked away. "Only I didn't know that then." He sighed. "I didn't know what was gonna happen. Your mama was taking a break, I didn't have a job, but I had to figure it out. So I did. One day at a time. Which I'm guessing you done too."

She looked back at him then. "Yeah." She hesitated a moment. "You know, I never thought about everything you must have gone through. I'm sure you wanted to stay sober, all those times, right?" He nodded. "I'm really glad you finally figured it out."

He reached for her hand then, holding it for a second and then letting her go. Her heart felt like it was going to explode from it. "It ain't easy," he said. "And I never wanted you to go through it. I hoped you wouldn't."

She nodded. "I know." She flattened her hands on her thighs and breathed in slowly. "I'd like for you to be there. When I get my one year chip," she said.

He bit his lip and looked away. "I don't know," he said, finally, his voice catching.

"I'll understand if you can't, but it would really mean a lot for you to come," she said.

"I don't know, Maddie," he said, looking at her. "I just don't know."

She nodded and then looked forward. She put her hands on her knees, stretching out her arms. She took a deep breath and then she let it out. "Would it have helped if I'd come home sooner?" she asked, not looking at him.

She could hear him breathe in and out, then clear his throat. "I don't know," he said finally. He was quiet, then finally spoke again. "It hurt every day, for a long, long time. You know, Maddie, I was really proud you were my daughter. So when you done this…thing, I didn't know what to do or how to feel. It was like that blood didn't mean nothing. It seemed so easy for you to just…I don't know, just walk away."

She put her head down, feeling like she couldn't breathe. "It wasn't," she choked out.

He breathed in sharply. "Seemed like you didn't care, though. Like we didn't matter. Me and your mama, we'd have done anything for you, but…I don't know. You wanted what you wanted and to hell with the rest of us." He breathed out. "So, would it have made a difference? I don't know. Probably not. It would have made a difference if you'd never done it. You gotta live with that, Maddie. No matter what else happens from here, you gotta live with that. You coulda changed it back then and you made a choice." He stood up then and looked down at her. "We all got choices to make. I made choices. A lot of times those choices cost me the things I held most dear. And you gotta be willing to suffer for that and sometimes know you ain't ever coming back from it."

She put her face in her hands, the tears running down her cheeks. "You're right," she whispered, not looking at him. After a moment, she heard the gravel under his feet as he walked away.


	4. Rayna

_**A/N: I guess no one wanted to read Maddie's story – so we'll just move on to Rayna's.**_

 **Rayna**

Rayna ran out of the courtroom. She could hardly breathe. She couldn't believe she'd lost her baby girl. She'd felt such a mix of emotions. Anger, hurt, shock, deep sorrow, disbelief. Her heart was broken at the same time she felt it harden with a steely resolve. She didn't think she could hurt any more than if Maddie had died. Which, in a sense, she had. To her, anyway.

As she stumbled to her car, her thoughts lit on Deacon. She felt nearly as betrayed by him as she did by their daughter. _Why on earth would he have gone after Frankie? Why would he have put us in this horrible position?_ In her heart, she blamed him as much as she did Maddie for the fact that the judge had ruled against them. _Why did I believe he'd changed?_ She'd watched him do this over and over again, back when he was drinking. This belief that physical force was the answer when someone made you angry. His inability to stop and think about consequences before he took action.

She started the car and began to drive. Tears clouded her vision and she swiped at them. At first she didn't know where she was driving, but finally she realized she was headed for her mother's land. The place where she felt the most at peace. When she got there, she sat in her car and sobbed, crying for the daughter she'd lost and for the husband she'd lost. Crying for the end of the dream she'd had for the family she'd always wanted and thought was finally hers.

 _What in the world am I gonna do now?_

 _ **~nashville~**_

She thought back to that night, when Maddie had looked at Deacon and her with such disdain. The night she'd first thrown out that word "emancipating". For a split second, she had wondered if her daughter even knew what that meant, but in the next, she knew, with a searing pain to her gut, that Maddie knew _exactly_ what it meant. And whether or not Cash Gray had been the one to put the idea in her head or had just put a voice to Maddie's frustration over not being able to do what she wanted, it didn't much matter. Her heart had been broken that night, but she'd really had no idea how much worse it could hurt at that moment.

She remembered the conversation she and Maddie had had the morning of the day she'd married Deacon. Maddie had been concerned about how Deacon had gone after the photographer trying to take pictures of her. And then she'd shared what she'd seen at Deacon's house after Beverly died. She'd told Maddie people dealt with grief in different ways, that she had done something similar when Lamar had died. And with the paparazzi, he was trying to protect Maddie. She had tried to reassure her daughter that Deacon would never hurt _her_ , that he loved her so much.

But Deacon had always been quick to anger and he used his fists, more often than not, to fight back. She'd seen him do it in their early years together, most often in defense of her. Most of it could be linked to his drinking. But now that he was sober, although he was still quick to anger, he had better, more rationale ways to handle it. Or so she'd thought.

When she'd thought about it all later, she realized she'd missed things, missed opportunities. The day of the wedding, she thought she'd soothed Maddie's concerns. But she hadn't connected it to the things Deacon had said, more than once, about the change in his relationship with Maddie. She hadn't realized the change in her own relationship with Maddie after she'd come home from Atlanta and had heard about the Sony offer. In the aftermath of the judge's decision, she'd turned her back on Deacon, blaming him for how it had ended. She hadn't listened when he tried to tell her there was more to all of this than they realized. It didn't matter, at that point. They'd lost Maddie and it had been all on him.

She struggled for a long time with her feelings about having walked away from him then, even as brief as it was, when all the sordid details of Frankie's revenge and Cash's motivations had come out. It had taken her a long time to forgive herself for not believing in Deacon, long after he had told her he understood.

 _ **####**_

Rayna sat by the window and looked out, not seeing anything. It was a clear day and the sun was bright white this high above the earth. She'd put ear buds in her ears almost as soon as the plane took off, not really registering the songs floating through her head. Occasionally a tear would streak down her cheek and she would wipe it away. She could feel Daphne's restlessness, but she wasn't quite sure what to say to her. She'd told her they were flying to California, to visit Tandy for a little while.

Daphne had been quiet for a while, for weeks now. Ever since Maddie had told her she wasn't interested in being in a duo with her, ever since Maddie had told her that her songs were babyish. Rayna closed her eyes, letting herself feel the pain of that. In the midst of all the turmoil and drama with Maddie, and as Cash Gray continued to work her sinister magic over her daughter, Daphne had pulled inside herself. She'd spent most of her time in her room, when she wasn't at school. She wasn't eating much, wasn't spending time with her and Deacon, but she'd hardly registered it, because she'd been so focused on what was happening with Maddie.

She felt a tug on the ear bud and then the background roar of the airplane. She turned to look at Daphne, who'd pulled it out. "What?" she asked, her voice sharper than she'd have liked it to be.

Daphne frowned. "Why are we going to Aunt Tandy's? Why couldn't I stay home with Deacon?" she demanded.

Hearing Deacon's name made the repressed anger rise up in her. She felt bitterness and rage when she thought about him right then. She couldn't believe he'd been so foolish, so stupid. He'd destroyed everything, just like he always did. _I took him back. I thought he was the man I wanted him to be. But that was a lie, a sham. People don't ever change. Not really._ She took a deep breath. "Deacon's gone, Daphne," she said, not mincing words. "I don't know if he's coming back."

Daphne looked surprised. "Why not?" Then she scowled again. "What's going on? Why won't you tell me what's going on?"

Rayna looked at her daughter for a moment, wondering exactly what to say. She took a deep breath. "Your sister has left our family. And I don't think we'll ever be the same again." She hated the hurt look on her daughter's face. She took her hand and then pulled out the other ear bud. "We'll survive this, baby girl. You and me, together, we'll survive this. But I need you to stay with your Aunt Tandy for a little while so I can work some things out. Can you do that for me?"

Daphne's eyes were filled with hurt. "But I want to be at home. Can't we go home?"

Rayna shook her head. "No, we can't. Not right now." She tried to smile. "Look, I need you to just trust me right now. I promise I'll work it out." She was not at all sure she could do that, but she needed to say that to Daphne. She needed to try to believe it herself.

* * *

"Where are you going, Rayna?" Tandy whispered. She had sent Daphne to the guest room with her suitcases, as Rayna stood in the foyer of her townhouse.

"I have to go to LA, deal with this publicity tour for Markus' damn album, and then I just need to be by myself for a minute." She sighed. "I just have to do some thinking."

Tandy hesitated. "What about Deacon?"

Rayna frowned. "Last time I saw him he was in jail. I can't believe how wrong I was about him." She choked on a sob. "I can't believe I let myself be fooled into thinking he'd really changed." She took a deep breath to settle her emotions. "This has all turned into such a mess. On top of everything else, there's a restraining order and he can't come near Maddie."

Tandy looked shocked. "A restraining order? Babe, what happened?"

Rayna rolled her eyes. "He went after Frankie. Beat him up so bad he's in the hospital, is what I heard." She took a deep breath. "You know, part of me doesn't really blame him for wanting to get back at that man for what he and his daughter did, but he picked the worst time to do it. He contributed as much as Maddie to destroying our family." She wanted to cry but she fought the urge. "I told him we're done. He's ruined us." She struggled again with her emotions. "Look, I've got to go. The cab's still waiting for me. I'll call you." She reached out and hugged her sister. Tandy clung to her, but Rayna pulled away.

As she was running out of the door, Tandy tried to follow. "Sweetheart, don't you want…."

Rayna waved and hurried to the cab. "I gotta go!" she called out. "Thanks for taking Daphne." She quickly got in the cab and slammed the door. "To the airport," she said to the cab driver and then she sank back against the seat, closing her eyes, and feeling the tears rolling down her cheeks.

 _ **####**_

Rayna sat under the umbrella, with a hat and her sunglasses on. She could hear her phone buzzing in her bag, but she ignored it. She'd ignored most of the calls, except the ones from Tandy and Bucky. The first few days she was gone she had so many calls, texts, and voice mails from Deacon, she'd lost count. She deleted every voice mail without listening to it, ignored every call and text. A part of her hoped she'd hear from Maddie, but that never happened. Not that she was ready to talk to her, but she still held out a small amount of hope that her daughter would realize the error of her ways. Now that a week had gone by, the phone calls and texts were decreasing.

This was the first day she'd stopped. She'd stayed busy the entire time she'd been in California. At first it was handling publicity on Markus's album, continuing to try to get every bit of what was out there back for her trouble. When she wasn't doing that, she was visiting labels, trying to find out anything she could about Maddie. But either no one knew or no one would tell her. She knew the Sony deal was still pending, that Cash was still shopping Maddie, and she'd hoped to get in front of it, but to no avail. She'd run herself ragged, existing on coffee during the day and drinking enough wine at night so that she could sleep. She knew if she passed out, she wouldn't dream, and the dreams were the worst.

She had to stay busy or the memory of that day in the courtroom would come back to haunt her and she couldn't stand reliving it. She kept wondering if she'd done enough, if she'd missed doing that one thing that would have made Maddie change her mind, that would have prevented what happened to Deacon on the stand and all that followed that. It had been such a constant refrain in her head, she thought she might go crazy because of it. But finally she'd felt some measure of quiet. Not peace, but at least quiet. Her mind settled down and she started to plan how she would go on from this. But the buzzing of the phone was messing with the calm and she knew she couldn't postpone dealing with what she'd left behind forever.

When she was ready to go in, she pulled out her phone to check to see who'd called. Bucky had sent a text about the latest numbers from the most recent single off Markus's album. Ironically, it was the song Deacon had written, the one that had caused his jealous tiff the day of The Beverly reopening. The day they'd gotten engaged. She looked down at her left hand. She'd taken her rings off before she and Daphne had left Nashville, but she'd since put them back on, as her anger and fury at him had started to dissipate. She sighed. At some point, she and Deacon needed to sit down and talk. Emotions had been high in the immediate aftermath of the judge's decision. She was still angry, but more now about the circumstances and Maddie's actions, and she had found herself missing him. He hadn't called, though, since that early flurry of calls.

She had a call from Scarlett and a voice mail. She frowned. That worried her. No calls from Deacon and now a call from his niece. She felt cold fingers running up and down her spine. _Please don't let anything bad have happened to him._ She hit the call button and waited for Scarlett to answer.

"Oh, Rayna, thank God you called!" Scarlett cried as soon as she answered.

Rayna swallowed over a lump in her throat. Her mouth felt as dry as the desert. "What's going on, Scarlett?" she croaked.

"I think you need to come home, Rayna," Scarlett said, cryptically.

"Has something happened to Deacon?" she asked, her voice brittle. "Is he okay? Is something wrong?" Her heart was in her throat. Suddenly she was terrified he'd started drinking again.

"You need to come home," she said again.

Her head was swirling. _What was going on? Was he drinking? Something else?_ "I…I don't understand, Scarlett," she said.

Scarlett was silent for a moment before she said, "He told you the truth, Rayna. Frankie started it."

Rayna closed her eyes. "How do you know?" she whispered.

"There was a camera on the building next door. You can't hear what they said to each other, but it didn't start as a fight. Frankie started it." She paused. "He said some horrible things. Deacon shouldn't have done that, but he was defending _you_."

Rayna felt sick to her stomach. "Oh, God," she murmured.

"Rayna, I'm worried about him. I think he's pretty close to losing control."

Rayna felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. "What do you mean?" She was afraid to hear Scarlett's answer.

"He feels like he's lost everything. I don't think I seen him this down in a really long time, maybe since after the accident. He's barely hanging on. He wanted to explain, but he knew how angry you were. I know he'd be mad if he knew I called you, but I felt like you needed to know."

Rayna sat with her hand over her mouth, shaking. She blinked back the tears that sprang up in her eyes. She took a deep breath. "Why didn't _he_ call me?" she said. She felt her heart sink. The truth was, he _had_ tried to call her. She had just been too hurt and angry to listen.

Scarlett was silent for a moment. "He tried. But you weren't taking his calls, Rayna. You never responded to his voice mails or his texts." Her voice wasn't accusing, but it was tinged with sadness. "He gave up. He figured you wouldn't care. But I knew you would. I know you love him. And y'all need each other. Specially now." She paused again. "You need to come home," she said softly.

Rayna swallowed hard. "Where is he?" she asked.

"He's at y'all's cabin." Scarlett hesitated. "He ain't drinking, Rayna, but he sure did want to. I don't think I ever seen him so down, so defeated. He's hurting so bad over what Maddie done and then to think he lost you too…." Rayna could hear her sigh on the other end. "I ain't sure he still won't give in, Rayna. Please come home."

Rayna could feel the tears running down her face. "I'll be there as soon as I can," she said. "Thank you, Scarlett."

* * *

As soon as she got off the phone with Scarlett, she called Bucky and had him send the plane to take her home. Although it was an overnight flight, she'd only managed bursts of sleep. But she was on adrenaline when she retrieved her car at the airport and headed for the cabin. In some ways, things had gone about as she should have expected, but she'd had to admit to herself she was hoping for something different. Her heart had been in her throat the entire flight home and then on the drive to the cabin. But now, as she watched Deacon stalk out the door, it plunged down to the bottom of her stomach.

With tears streaming down her face, she raised her eyes to the ceiling. _Please God, help me know the right words to say. Help me help him. I know we hurt each other so bad, but please open his heart to listen to me._

She got up off the stool and walked to the door. She could see him on the edge of the lake, his hands in his pockets, his back stiff. She was hurt, deep down to her core. Watching as Maddie had turned on them, pushed them away, she had initially thought it was typical teenage behavior. Lord knows she'd done it herself when she was sixteen. She had wondered how much of that Maddie was trying to emulate. But as she and Deacon had realized Cash Gray's influence on their daughter, they'd understood this was different. It was more than just chafing at a parent's desire to protect a child, it had been a cunning game, one that Maddie was too young and naïve to understand.

She'd spent all this time focusing on her own hurt, how her beloved daughter had angrily sought to separate herself. It had been hard to believe that the child she'd loved and nurtured now wanted nothing to do with her. It had hurt to watch her push a beloved father away, wounding him so completely with her words and actions. And as she watched Deacon, standing at the edge of the water, looking so broken, she realized her hurt was nothing compared to his. Betrayed by his daughter, cruelly used by a man he'd trusted and opened himself up to in the safe environment of AA, and then abandoned by his wife, who refused to listen, well, no wonder he was so angry.

It wasn't lost on her that this was the place where she'd struggled to break down the walls he'd put up around himself in the aftermath of his cancer diagnosis and his desire to protect her and Maddie from the pain of it. If there was any place where they could bridge this divide, where she could make amends to him, this was it. She was determined, no matter how long it took, to pull him back from the edge, to begin to rebuild. He was right, that she hadn't really listened to him, that she'd made the decisions, taken over how they'd responded. She understood that this time she had been the one to walk away. She'd given in to the pain, fallen back on old habits, and she needed to do whatever it took to fix this.

 _ **####**_

She was relieved he hadn't left. She'd watched him storm out of the cabin and she supposed he could have just gotten into his truck and driven back to Nashville, but he was still there. She watched him walk over and sit in one of the lawn chairs by the dock. She gave him a little time before she walked out and sat in the one adjacent to him. She could sense his tension but he didn't move.

She sat with him silently for a few minutes. Then she held up her left hand, letting the sun dance off the diamonds in her engagement ring and the eternity band. She'd noticed he was still wearing his wedding ring and was grateful for that.

"You know, we said for better or worse. And I guess this is pretty much the 'worse' part of that."

He raised his eyebrows and nodded. "I guess."

She breathed in. "Deacon, I was wrong. But I was also scared. We were losing our girl and I didn't know how to stop that. Even if the judge hadn't granted the petition we would still have lost her. We might not have thrown her out like Daddy threw me out but she'd have left just the same."

He worked his lip for a moment. "I'm sorry I went over there, but I was pissed, Ray. He stabbed me in the back _and_ he was turning my little girl against me. Against _us_. I couldn't let it go." He looked at her. "I shoved him. But he shoved me first. I didn't go to fight, but he took the first swing. He had all this anger and stuff all stored up. I didn't really hurt him that bad, but he had to make a big deal out of it."

She looked at him sadly. "I know that now. But it was all so scary. The way they made it appear. Not knowing the truth. And after everything they brought up in court…."

"It ain't never been about fighting just to fight, Rayna. You know that." He looked at her intently.

She nodded. "I _do_ know that."

She watched as he wiped tears off his face. "I only told him about the black eye because…."

She reached out and put her hand on his arm. "I know. You never hit me. I know he twisted that. None of that bothered me, because I _know_ you. I know your loyalty and your love. I was there and I know what the whiskey did to you, but I also knew you'd never hurt me. Not that way." She pulled her hand back and looked away. "You shouldn't have gone over there, Deacon, I hope you get that. The next day it just looked bad. But you're right, I didn't listen." She breathed out. "I tried to do it all on my own. I was wrong. And I'm sorry."

He looked at her. "I think we both got stuff to be sorry about."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "I wish I'd told her the truth," she said. He looked puzzled. "What it was like when I was sixteen. Maybe if I'd done that, we wouldn't be here."

 _ **####**_

She woke up in the middle of the night, a little disoriented. She was laying on the couch, with a blanket haphazardly pulled over her. She could feel a little chill, heard the night sounds. She sat up and looked out the open door to see Deacon sitting on the top step of the porch. She sat with her hands between her knees and just looked out at him. They'd had a rough night, between the fighting and the tears, the recriminations and the desire to try to fix things, somehow.

She'd hoped that this would be a healing place for them, the way it had been back when he'd finally told her about his cancer. She knew it would take longer this time. This was a breach of trust, a hurt that ran deeply and long into their past, bringing up old hurts along with things they'd once thought were resolved. They'd dug deep and yet they weren't finished, that she knew for sure. They'd finally fallen asleep sitting together on the couch, but then he'd woken up and gone to the bedroom, leaving her in the great room. Clearly neither of them were going to get anything more than a restless night.

Finally she got up and walked out the door to sit next to him on the step. He looked at her, his face shaded in the partial moonlight so that she couldn't see his expression. She hunched over, wrapping her arms around her waist and looked out over the lake, invisible in the darkness, but making a quiet lapping sound. Finally she said, "I guess you had a hard time sleeping too."

"Yeah." He looked away from her, back out over the lake. "We got a lot to talk about, Ray."

She lowered her head and nodded. "I know."

"Where do we go from here?" His voice was quiet, but she could hear the hurt.

She looked at him. "Do you want to try to figure this out? Work through this? 'Cause I do."

He looked away, working his lip. Finally he looked back at her and sighed, then reached for her hand. "I do too." He squeezed her hand. "We gotta trust each other though."

She smiled at him sadly. "I _do_ trust you, Deacon. And I _do_ have faith in you. And we _will_ get through this. Together."

He breathed in. "I don't know, Ray. I think I still got some stuff to work through first. Maybe we need to take some time. You should go back to Nashville. Be with Daphne."

She shook her head. "I'm not leaving here until we fix this. However long it takes, no matter what we have to do. When I go back to Nashville, you're going to go with me."

 _ **####**_

She heard her footsteps before she ever saw her through the glass windows. "How could you turn her away?" Juliette demanded, hands on her hips and her eyes flashing angrily.

Rayna looked at her. "What in the world are you talking about, Juliette?" she asked.

Juliette rolled her eyes. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Maddie _needs_ you."

Rayna looked at her coldly. "Seems like she's got you on her side. I'm not sure why she needs me." She looked back down at the papers on her desk.

Juliette walked up and slammed her hands down on the papers, leaning forward. "Rayna, she came home to ask for your forgiveness. To ask for your help. The least you could do was not slam the door in her face."

Rayna looked at her incredulously. "Are you really serious, Juliette? Do you not remember what happened when she demanded her freedom from her father and me? Do you not remember the damage she did to Deacon?"

"Of course I remember, Rayna. But she's swallowed all her pride and come home to you." She stood up straight, crossing her arms over her chest. "She needs you. She overdosed less than two weeks ago and she needs you."

Rayna caught her breath. "What?" she whispered.

"She overdosed. Out in LA. She was in the hospital and then she went and stayed with your ex-husband for a few days. Glenn called me to let me know. We all told her she needed to come home."

Rayna felt her heart start to pound. "Is she…."

"I think she's an addict. She won't admit it, but I understand she was pretty strung out before that overdose." Juliette softened her posture. "She needs you, Rayna. You and Deacon. I think she needs help, but she needs to know y'all will support her. I know she wants a chance to make things right with all of you. I think she's wanted it for a while, but she didn't know how to ask you to forgive her."

Rayna put her head in her hands. "I don't know," she said wearily. "I just don't know."

Juliette sat in one of the chairs opposite Rayna's desk. "Look, I know what she did was awful. But she's your daughter. And she needs her parents. She's lost and she feels alone."

Rayna looked at her. "It's not that simple, Juliette," she said, frowning. "A lot of damage was done. And a lot of time has gone by. Things change. _People_ change."

Juliette stood up and leaned forward with her hands on the desk. "That's right, people do change." She took a deep breath. "She's your daughter," she said, her voice clipped. "I know she did a horrible thing, but she's your blood. And everyone deserves to be forgiven." She paused. "God knows _I_ did." She breathed in. "Don't turn your back on her, Rayna. Don't regret not giving her a chance." Then she pushed up from the desk and, whirling around, walked out the door. Rayna's eyes followed her. She had no idea what to do next.

 _ **####**_

Rayna walked outside and around to the pool. Deacon was sitting on one of the chairs that lined one end of the pool. He looked up as she sat in the chair next to him. "Hey," he said, with a brief smile.

She smiled back. "Hey."

"How was your day?"

She sighed. "Okay. Stressful." They both looked out over the pool.

"Wanna talk about it?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Actually I do." She sighed again. "You sure you wanna hear it?" She glanced over at him but he didn't look at her.

"Yeah," he said, thrumming his fingers on the arm of the chair.

She looked back over the pool, thinking about what to say. Finally she said, "I don't think I ever appreciated Glenn enough. I mean, back when I first had to tour with Juliette, I thought he just enabled all her bad behavior. But I saw later that he really tried with her. And he's been a good manager for Layla." She looked down at her lap. "Maybe he's just drawn to the damaged people. He can't fix 'em, but he keeps 'em from falling off the ledge."

Deacon didn't say anything as she paused. "I think he was the one who kept Maddie propped up all this time. Or something." She waited to see if Deacon would say anything. When he didn't, she glanced at him. His jaw was tight and he was chewing his lip.

She took a deep breath and looked away. "She's an addict. She doesn't think so, but she is. I can tell. She's going to rehab. She doesn't want to, doesn't think she needs to, but we told her she had to." She stopped talking and glanced at her husband. She thought there was a glint of tears in his eyes. She knew that no matter what else he was feeling, he'd feel guilt that somehow he'd passed that on to her.

She looked down at her hand, picking at the side of the chair arm. "I'm gonna go when we take her. To make sure she goes. And then we'll see, from there." She breathed in. "I hope you understand that I need to do this, babe. I know you can't go there and I'm still so angry and hurt over all that too. But…I don't know if I can completely abandon her. Right now. I don't want you to think…."

He reached over and put his hand on top of hers, and then he threaded his fingers through hers. "I get it," he said. "I do. I just…I can't do it, Ray. Not now."

She squeezed his fingers with hers. "I know. I want you to know…."

"I know, baby. You're a mama. It's different. And you had all those years with her. I get it. It's different."

"But you're her father. And my husband. I'll support you, you know that. And you know I…."

He smiled sadly. "I know. You love me. I love you too. It's okay."

She felt tears run down her face. "I still don't know if I can let her back in. Completely. Because she hurt _you_ so much. And us."

He breathed in. "Some of that was…them."

She nodded. "Yeah, it was. And I guess that's the only tiny part where I don't completely blame her. They led her, used her. But it was still her choice."

He sighed. "I'm done talking about it right now, Rayna. If that's okay."

"Yeah. It's okay." She knew it would take a while for him to unwind from this conversation. He would need time to detach, to work towards releasing the emotions, the hurt and pain, to get back to center. To get back to her Deacon. She would wait him out. She always did.

 _ **####**_

Every time Rayna turned onto River Road, she felt the pressure fall away. Somehow she had known, almost from the beginning, that she would forgive Maddie, sooner than Daphne and Deacon. She couldn't help but think about how she'd carried her daughter in her belly, for all those months, wondering if she'd made the right choice by marrying Teddy, desperately missing Deacon. And in the early morning, when Maddie was born and in her arms, she had promised to love and protect her forever.

She sighed, as she thought about the fact that she had failed at that, when Maddie was sixteen. She'd been busy with her label that year, caught up with Deacon's cancer and his transplant, and then later their wedding. By the time she and Deacon had really realized what was going on with their daughter, it had been too late. They'd all been so angry at first, but eventually they'd picked up the pieces of their lives and moved forward. But she had always, deep down inside, missed her girl. Like so many other things, over the course of her life, she'd put all that hurt and pain and sorrow in a little box and put it away. She'd feel the twinge of loss on holidays or on Maddie's birthday or the anniversary of the day they lost her. There had been a hole in her heart that hadn't been filled up until now.

When she turned down the drive to Riverside, she smiled sadly. This was the place she'd brought Deacon, the first two times she'd tried to get him sober. Every time she'd come to see him, every time she'd been there waiting for him at the end of his program, she'd felt hopeful. And that's how she felt with Maddie. Hopeful. Not only that she would get clean and learn ways to stay that way, but that she was coming back to them. That somehow, some way, the girl they lost was found.

Maddie was waiting when she arrived and she hugged her daughter close. Because it was a warm day, they went outside to sit at one of the patio tables. After they sat, she reached out and took Maddie's hands in hers. "You look so good," she said, with a smile.

Maddie smiled back. "I feel really good," she replied. "Really strong. Ready to come home."

Rayna looked at her, wishing she really could come home. "I'm glad," she said.

Maddie squeezed her mother's hands, then moved hers to her lap. "This is where you brought Dad, isn't it?" she asked. Rayna nodded. "What was that like?"

Rayna breathed in and then out slowly. "It was hard," she said softly. "It was hard for both of us. He struggled so hard for such a long time. Every time I took him to rehab, I was so hopeful. I wanted him to be well. He was always a good man, Maddie, but he had such a hard life. And it was hard for him to believe he deserved happiness. I truly believe that was what kept him from being able to make it work for so long."

Maddie frowned. "Even though he had you? You were always there, Mom."

Rayna shrugged. "It wasn't that simple, you know? It was…."

Maddie laughed softly. "Complicated," she finished.

Rayna smiled sadly. "Yeah. It _was_ complicated. Because it seemed so simple to me at the time. But I didn't struggle with things the way he did. I never had the kind of life he did, although I surely did think mine was painful." She looked carefully at her daughter. "He's always felt like he didn't deserve love and family and happiness. He always wanted it – with me – and he always hoped for it, but once he actually had the chance to make it real, he didn't know how to make it work. And I always wanted it with him, and it hurt to watch him put himself through all the pain he did. At first I tried being supportive and helpful, but when that didn't seem to work, I pushed and I got angry and I gave him ultimatums. We were both struggling and we didn't know how to fix it."

She rested her elbows on the table and clasped her hands together under her chin. "I broke up with him, that last time – for good, I thought – because I was told that was the only way for him to get better, make it work," she said softly. "It hurt so bad, thinking I had been the one who kept him from getting better. That because I was there, letting him come back into a safe environment, he wasn't going to learn how to deal with those demons. It took him two more tries, and more heartache for me, before he did it. And I thought for so long that it was because I married Teddy and that made me want to work hard to make _that_ relationship work, because I thought it gave your father the chance to get sober. Finally." She smiled sadly. "And it did. And it seemed like every time we did try to make things work, it was hard and it was painful and I really had kind of resigned myself to the fact that we would always love each other but would never be together."

She felt the tears welling up and she used both hands to swipe them away. Maddie reached across the table and took one hand and looked at her sympathetically. "I really did so many things wrong, sweet girl," she said. "In trying to protect you and give you a good life, I feel like I set everything in motion to turn your world upside down. More than once." Maddie looked like she wanted to object, but Rayna put her hand up. "I can't know for sure that things would have been different, if I'd just told your father I was pregnant, if we'd been able to raise you up together, but I do know that, because of the decisions I made, I made _your_ life much more complicated." She smiled then, a ghost of a smile. "You are definitely our daughter. You are both the best and worst of both of us. Even if we didn't raise you together for most of your life, you are us. I think I finally realized that after you left." She squeezed Maddie's hand. "And now we'll get to experience all of that together, to appreciate it and celebrate it."

Maddie took a deep breath. "But Dad doesn't want me home," she said sadly.

"I think he'll get there. You just need to be patient." She took both of Maddie's hands and looked at her daughter seriously. "You were gone a long time, Maddie. Five years. That's a lot to undo."

Tears filled Maddie's eyes. "I know I really hurt him."

Rayna nodded. "Yeah, you did," she said. She watched Maddie bite her lip. "I know it hurts to hear that, but it's true. He loved you so much, Maddie. He was so proud of you and he would have done anything for you. All he ever did, your whole life, was love you. He was so happy to be your father and so, yeah, he was hurt bad. It's like I told you, it crushed his spirit, for a long time. He's just not ready yet." As Maddie put her face in her hands and Rayna watched her shoulders shake with sobs, she felt a pain in her heart. "I'm sorry…"

Maddie shook her head and looked up. "No. I need to hear it. I've been talking about this with my counselor and I need to hear this. It's important for me to really understand what I did." She took a deep breath. "You know, I really felt like you didn't understand what I needed when I was sixteen. I thought that since you'd gone out on your own at that age, that you should have known what I was feeling."

Rayna felt teary herself and reached for Maddie's hand. "I _did_ understand, Maddie," she said. "But I wanted more for you. You didn't know how hard it was to be on your own, to fight for a place in an open mic, or to get someone to listen to you, or to get a paying gig, so you could support yourself. And I didn't have the kind of support you did. Your Paw Paw didn't understand how much performing meant to me and my mama was gone and couldn't be there when I needed someone. But you had all of that. Your father and I _lived_ that. We knew what you would be facing and we tried to give you all the benefit without you having to feel all the pain."

Maddie nodded. "I get it now. Because that's what I've been doing, for all these years. It hasn't been easy and it didn't go quite like I expected. I think I believed that because a label wanted to sign me, that I was going to be a star." She shook her head. "But it never happened. And I realized, too late, that I should have stayed where I was, that I should have let you help me."

Rayna sighed. "I never wanted you to run away from me, and yet it seems like I pushed you to do just that. All I ever wanted to do was love you and protect you."

"I do know that, Mom. I just wish I'd known it then." Maddie looked away for a moment, then back. "Actually, I _did_ know that then. I just wish I hadn't let someone else tell me you and Dad were trying to hold me back." She put her head down. "I'm so ashamed."

Rayna moved over to sit next to her daughter, putting her arm around her. "Unfortunately, we can't change the past, no matter how much we wish we could. All we can do is move forward. Acknowledge our mistakes and do better. That's all we can do."

 _ **####**_

Rayna saw Deacon out by the pool and walked out to join him. She sat on the edge of his lounge chair, facing him, and he took her hand. "Hey," she said, smiling at him.

He squeezed her hand. "Hey."

She could see the pain around his eyes and she frowned. "What's going on?"

He sighed. "Maddie came by again today."

She looked hopeful. "Did you talk to her?"

He shook his head. "I'm still so pissed, Ray. You know, I want to listen. I know she needs to do this. But I can't look at her. I can't listen to her voice. I can't stop seeing her, so mad, saying all that stuff, saying she was afraid of me." His eyes got red and she could tell his emotions were close to the surface. "All I wanted was to love her and be a good daddy. And I thought I was. We were close. And then…." He shook his head and turned away. "I don't know what I could have done different. I don't know why she turned away." He looked back at her. "Why didn't she talk to me? I would never have hurt her. I never _did_ hurt her."

She ran her hand over his arm. "I know. And she does know that. She knows how much she's hurt you, Deacon." She leaned in and kissed him softly. "You _are_ a good dad. I watched you learn to be a father to her. You understood her in a way I didn't and the two of you connected over your music. Don't ever think you didn't do a good job at that, babe."

He breathed in. "How did I lose her then?"

She took his hands in hers. "It wasn't just you. But she was a teenager and she had had a taste of what it was like to be on stage and be on her own and I think she looked at us and what we'd done when we were that age and couldn't understand why we wouldn't let her do that too." She sighed. "And then she didn't understand how you felt when Beverly died. And I didn't do a good job with that either." She could see the pain in his eyes and she wanted so badly to fix all of this. "She didn't know what you'd gone through. She didn't know how to process it. And unfortunately, Cash stepped in." She frowned. "We had no way of knowing what Frankie's angle was. And Cash played on Maddie's confusion and her desire to break away."

She let go of his hands then and slid onto the lounge chair next to him, wrapping her arm around his waist and laying her head on his chest. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "I wish I could do this," he whispered.

"I really want you to, babe, but I won't force you to do it. You'll know when you're ready. Just know she loves you and she wants to make it right."

He didn't say anything else, just held her. She knew she had to give him time and she'd promised him he could have all the time he needed. She closed her eyes and prayed silently that his heart would open up to their daughter again and that he would be able to let her in again. Soon.

 _ **####**_

Rayna looked at Maddie across her desk at Highway 65. "I wish you'd asked me, Maddie, about what it was like when I was sixteen," she said.

Maddie nodded. "I do too. What would you have told me?"

Rayna looked thoughtful. "That it was scary. It was exhilarating in many ways, and it was exactly what I wanted to be doing with my life, but doing it without a support system is really hard."

Maddie looked puzzled. "But you had Dad though, right?"

Rayna shrugged. "Sort of. But he was young too and we weren't really together at first. The one person I did have was your Uncle Watty. And he had many years of experience in the music business and could help me in some ways. But he couldn't always be there. So I had to figure it out a lot on my own. And I didn't have enough experience to always make the best choices. Or the right ones."

Maddie sighed. "I wish I hadn't listened to Cash. But she was telling me the things I wanted to hear. The things I didn't hear from you or Dad."

"Did she at least try to protect you?" She felt that same primal need to protect her daughter, the way she'd felt all her life. It occurred to her that maybe that same need to protect had been the thing that had pushed Maddie away.

Maddie shook her head. "Not really. Everything she wanted me to do was to benefit her. She didn't really care about me, although I didn't understand that at first. And that was the hardest part, I guess. Thinking about everything I'd done for someone who didn't really care about me."

Rayna looked at her for a moment. She didn't really think she wanted to know the things Maddie might have done. She remembered all the times she'd been faced with those unconscionable decisions. She'd been lucky to have Watty and Deacon; obviously Maddie hadn't fared as well. It made her sick to her stomach. "I'm sorry that happened to you, Maddie. It's the unfortunate side of this business. It's just so important to have the right people supporting you. I've seen too many artists screw it all up because they trusted the wrong people." She raised her eyebrows. "It was why I worked so hard to try to slow it down for you, because once you get started on that path, well, you know now."

Maddie looked down at her hands in her lap. "I wish I had listened to you," she whispered.

Rayna sighed. "I wish you had too. But, you know, you're a lot like me. You're very headstrong and determined, just like I was. The difference, though, is that you had two parents who wanted to help you do it the right way, who would have supported you. Your father and I never wanted to stand in your way. We just wanted you to have the benefit of our experience." Maddie looked up at her and Rayna smiled sadly. "Could we have done a better job listening to you? Probably. But you weren't listening to us any more than I listened to my father."

Maddie looked sad. "Cash told me what I wanted to hear."

Rayna half-rolled her eyes. "Yeah, she did. And now you have to rebuild from that." She sighed. "I learned some things from all of this, Maddie. I could probably give you some advice or help you out somehow, but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to let you figure it out. And not because I don't love you or care about you, but because I think it's time for you to figure out what you really want. You declared your independence from me when you were sixteen, walked away thinking you knew how to make all those decisions for yourself. I think you've learned a lot from the experience, both good and bad. Now it's time to use all of that to figure out where you go from here."

* * *

After Maddie left, Rayna sat at her desk, resting her chin on her steepled fingers. It was true, Maddie was so much like her. So determined, so focused on her vision. She thought back to when she'd been sixteen, when she had been so determined to have a career. To sing on stage, to write songs, to be a star. Just what her daughter had wanted. She closed her eyes as she thought about how many times she'd snuck out of the house to do an open mic, how many times she'd lied to her father.

She hadn't wanted what happened to her to happen to Maddie. She really had wanted her girls to finish school before they tried performing, if that was what they wanted. She wanted so much more for them. She really had believed that letting them have small moments would be enough. That giving them opportunities she could control would satisfy them. It wasn't even that she begrudged Maddie her dreams. She'd had the same ones back when she was sixteen. But she'd thought that allowing her daughter to do things with permission was better than what she'd experienced in her own life, with a father who forbade it.

It hadn't turned out that way, of course. Maddie had pushed those boundaries a little more than she had. She was more impulsive and mulish – characteristics she'd gotten from Deacon. She thought about how Maddie was both the best and the worst of her and Deacon. But Maddie had also been incredibly naïve, about a lot of things. It had been unfortunate that the person she'd turned to had led her down a destructive path.

She thought back to the day the judge ruled that Maddie could have her emancipation. The visceral pain she'd felt in that moment was like nothing she'd ever felt in her entire life. She'd been blinded by it, almost, so enraged and so devastated all at once. It had taken such a long time to heal from that. It had been a wound they'd all felt – Deacon and Daphne too – and it had wounded them over and over for months afterwards.

She still had moments when the pain of it would overtake her, when the anger would resurface. She supposed it would take a while for it to go away forever. That's what the therapist had said, all those years ago, that time would heal it. They'd even talked about what might happen if Maddie came back and they had both hoped for it and feared it. And eventually had left it behind, as the months and years passed. Until now.

She opened her eyes and rubbed her face then. They couldn't go back and change anything. The deed Maddie had done was long past. All they could do now was try to figure out the next chapter.

 _ **####**_

Rayna walked into the coffee shop that was a couple blocks away from the Highway 65 offices. It was a chilly December day and the brisk walk had felt good, after a morning full of meetings, but it was nice to be in the cozy warmth of the busy establishment. She took off her sunglasses and looked around, spotting Maddie towards the back of the room. She smiled when her daughter lifted up a cup, indicating she'd already bought Rayna's preferred beverage.

She walked quickly back to the table and said, "Thank you so much, sweetie," as she set her purse down and took off her coat, draping over the back of the chair. She sat and immediately picked up the drink, sipping it gratefully, both hands around the cup. She closed her eyes for a second, then opened them and smiled. "I really needed this. Too many meetings this morning."

Maddie grinned. "Highway 65 has really taken off. Seems like it's bigger than you ever thought it would be."

Rayna nodded, still smiling. "It is. We try to be careful who we sign though. I still want it to be that place where we can really develop young artists and take some chances on some underdogs. But it doesn't hurt to have a few major players to allow us the opportunity to do that. In fact, we met this morning to listen to some demos. One of my favorite things to do."

"Anyone exciting?"

Rayna shrugged. "A couple. Most of them are still pretty raw. We did decide on some to showcase at your father's place. So we can see what the crowd reaction is." Deacon had sold his interest in The Beverly, immediately after everything that had happened, but he'd enjoyed the idea of showcasing new music, a la The Bluebird, so he'd opened Claybourne's, down near the river, focusing on making it a go-to listening room for new talent. Rayna saw the look in Maddie's eyes, the sadness she got whenever someone brought up Deacon. She set her cup down and leaned forward. "Maddie," she said, concern crossing her face.

Maddie shook her head. "It's okay. I mean, we are finally talking." A tiny smile tugged at her lips. "That's something, right?"

Rayna smiled. "Yes, it is."

Maddie sighed. "I wish we'd talk about important things though. I mean, we talk about songwriting and stuff, and that's good, but we don't really talk much about my recovery or about, you know, what happened. How to get past it."

"He'll get there."

Maddie looked at her, sadness etched across her face. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"

Rayna reached for her hand. "Oh, baby, I think he already has, because you came back. It's just that he needs time to reconcile what happened with how he feels now."

 _ **####**_

Deacon looked up when she walked in from the back of the club. He smiled. "Hey, baby," he said. She walked over and put her arms around him, leaning in for a kiss. "You're a little early for the showcase." He put his arm around her shoulders.

"I know," she said. "I just wanted to come hang out with you. Get away from the office." She gave him a knowing look.

He grinned. "Well, you know I don't mind that at all. We can go in the back," he said. He let go of her and then took her hand. "I'll be in my office," he called out to the staff that was getting the place ready to open. Then he led her back behind the bar and down the hallway to his private office.

He let her walk in first, then he followed, closing the door and locking it behind him. She laughed softly. "You hoping to get lucky?" she purred.

He grinned and put his arms around her, walking her backwards until she bumped into the desk. "I might," he whispered, his voice low and husky. "I'm thinking that's why you came early."

She leaned in and brushed her lips against his, then moved her hands to the buttons of his shirt, unbuttoning them slowly. She pushed the shirt aside with both hands, running them over his skin. She traced his barely visible scar with one finger. "You're a very smart man plus you look very sexy today," she murmured.

He moved his hand to cover her breast, running his thumb over the nipple through the fabric, and she moaned. "You look even more sexy," he said, his voice thick with desire. Then he glanced back towards the door. "I ought not to stay locked in here too long, but…" – he put his hands on her waist and turned her away from him, reaching down to push up her skirt – "…I got enough time for you," he whispered into her ear.

She arched her back and moaned softly. "Oh, please, babe," she whispered, and then she put her hands on the desk.

* * *

She stood in front of the small mirror on his office wall and brushed out her hair. He came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. She turned her face slightly towards him and smiled. "Thank you for coming early," he whispered against her hair.

She turned to face him, laying her arms around his shoulders as his hands slid down to her waist. "Well, I'd been thinking about you all day," she said, kissing him softly.

He chuckled. "I think we better go on out," he said. She smiled and dropped the brush into her purse and then followed him out, running her hands down over her skirt as she walked.

She stood with him at the bar and he held her hand, watching the activity around the room. Then he turned to her. "Uh, Maddie came by here today," he said.

She felt her breath catch in her throat. He and Maddie had been, very tentatively, spending time together. She felt like it had started because she and Daphne were, and he didn't want things to be awkward. In the very beginning, the meetings were short and he'd needed time afterwards to resolve things in his head. He'd pull in to himself, go off alone, stop talking. Eventually he'd opened up to her more about how he felt. It had been a process, one she knew Maddie was eager to accelerate, but he had been much more cautious. She raised her eyebrows now. "She did?"

He nodded. "She wanted to know if I'd let her audition for an open mic spot." He looked a little guarded, but his voice was even.

"What did you tell her?"

He shrugged. "She can audition, same as anyone else." He looked at her carefully. "I ain't giving her any special favors, Ray."

She shook her head. "I wasn't going to ask you to." She squeezed his hand and smiled. "But I'm glad you're going to let her. Maybe this will be the start of her being able to fulfill all the promise she had."

"Maybe," he said, and then he looked away, signaling the conversation was over.

* * *

After the showcase was over and the venue was closed, Deacon and Rayna sat at one of the tables, while he went through some paperwork and the employees were cleaning up and closing up. Rayna checked email and sent some messages to Bucky concerning what she'd seen that night. Deacon put his pen down and took his glasses off, laying them on top of the stack of paper. Rayna put her phone on the table and looked at him. "It ain't that I don't want to try to fix things," he said quietly. "It's that every time I think about it, all I remember is that courtroom."

She sighed and laid her hand on his arm. "I know, babe," she said. "Take all the time you need. I think we all understand that."

He raised his eyebrows. "Do you? I mean, seemed like you figured it out right away and I'm struggling to figure out how to do it at all. How was it so easy for you?"

She could see the tightening of his jaw and the tension in his posture. "It _wasn't_ easy, Deacon," she said. "I had to make myself believe she wanted to make things right." She shrugged. "And I was open to listening to other people who'd been around her. Glenn, Juliette, Teddy." When he frowned, she squeezed his arm gently. "I'm not saying you're wrong. I know why it's been harder for you. That's why I haven't pushed it, why I've tried not to talk about it unless you were ready to."

He was silent for a moment, then he sighed. "I guess I'm worried it'll drive a wedge between us, at some point. That you won't understand why…."

"I do understand," she interrupted. "In spite of what it might look like, sometimes I still struggle with it too." She slid her hand down and grasped his. "Our daughter did a bad thing. She caused us terrible pain. And she waited a long time to try to make it right. I just don't want to close the door forever. I feel like we – _I_ – might regret that one day." He looked down at the table, rubbing her hand with his thumb. "I don't want you to do anything you don't feel like you can do. I will support you, even if you never get there. But, babe, she's been back a year. She's almost at a year clean. She's doing the right things. I hope you can at least give her a chance."

He looked at her, a deep sadness in his eyes. "I'm trying, Ray," he said. "I really am."

She gave him an encouraging smile. "I know you are." She looked around the room then and back at him. "I think we're the only ones here," she said. "Maybe we should go home."

He squeezed her hand and smiled at her. "Yeah, maybe we should."


	5. Deacon

_**Thanks for hanging with me on this. I know I'm moving fast, but my goal is to complete this by the next episode. I'm pretty sure this is either going to be resolved, on the show, ridiculously – and unrealistically – fast, or…well, that's what I think. So I just wanted to put out there a more measured approach. One more chapter after this one, which will wrap it up.**_

 **Deacon**

Deacon looked up as the door to his cell opened. The guard tossed him his clothes. "You can get dressed," he said. "You've been bailed out."

He raised his eyebrows. "Who?"

The guard shrugged. "Don't know. Just know you have. I'll be waiting outside." He turned and walked out the door, leaving Deacon to change out of the jumpsuit and into the clothes he came in wearing.

He stayed seated for a moment, wondering if Rayna had bailed him out, then thinking she probably had not. She'd been so angry. So hurt. He felt a knot in his stomach as he thought about it _. How could things go so bad so fast?_ It made his head hurt to think about the things Maddie had done and said. He'd tried, all those months ago, to tell Rayna something wasn't right about the way Maddie was pushing him away. She'd dismissed it though, telling him it was just teenage girl stuff. But it turned out to be the seeds Cash Gray used to lure Maddie away from them.

Now, though, when he thought about his daughter, who he had loved with all his heart, he felt nothing but a white hot anger. He still didn't quite understand why she'd turned on him so completely. Both him and Rayna, truthfully, but she'd made such a point to use every despicable piece of information she could find to hurt _him_. He'd felt beaten up on the stand, unable to defend himself without making things worse.

He'd gone after Frankie, knowing he'd given Maddie information she could use against him, sharing things he'd talked about that he'd believed were confidential. He'd told himself he just wanted answers, but when Frankie had thrown the first punch and then another, he'd added his own. Frankie had claimed Deacon was trying to kill him and, when the police had shown up, Frankie had claimed it wasn't the first time and that Deacon was a danger to himself and others. And with that, he'd found himself cuffed and pushed into a police car, his protests falling on deaf ears.

 _Maybe it don't matter anymore. I lost Maddie. I lost Rayna. I lost everything._ He felt overwhelmed for a second, then breathed in, willing himself to push through. He didn't know where he was going to go when he walked out of this place. _Home._ But he had no idea what to expect, if he went home, to the place where he and Rayna were trying to build their family. He felt his heart twist as he thought about that. They finally had it all, finally they were married and he had the family he'd always wanted with her. And now, not even six months later, it was gone. Over. The look on her face when she'd shown up at the jail. The way she'd walked out on him. He knew. The tears threatened again, but he took a deep breath and blinked hard, rubbing his face.

He stood up and changed into the clothes he'd worn the night he was brought in and then knocked on the door. "I'm ready," he called out.

 _ **~nashville~**_

He didn't remember the first fight with Frankie. The one that supposedly cost Frankie his family and his record career. The one Frankie had held against him all those years. It had been lost to his blackouts, one of many incidents he couldn't remember.

He remembered the second one though. The one that got him locked up in jail and caused him to lose his family. He remembered going to the Beverly to talk to Frankie, wanting to know why he'd violated his trust, shared things that were protected by the sponsor code in AA. Frankie had started the fight, then escalated it by blaming the whole thing on Rayna and on him. And then claiming Deacon had tried to kill him, in front of people. People who'd seen, if not all of the fight, enough of it.

He remembered the police cuffing him, as Frankie was being wheeled out on a gurney. His call to Rayna had been tense and, when she finally showed up at the jail, she'd asked him why he'd done it. With everything that had happened in court, he'd gone and done what he always did. He'd tried to explain, but she wouldn't listen, and finally he just shut down.

She blamed him for Maddie winning her emancipation. He knew she did. And he knew he'd made a mistake, that he should never have gone, but he hadn't intended for it to go that way. He just wanted to explain to her. After Scarlett bailed him out, he'd gone to the house anyway, hoping to tell her again that he hadn't started it, wanting to tell her what Frankie had said, hoping she'd listen, but the house was empty. She was gone. Daphne was gone. And of course, Maddie was gone.

 _ **####**_

Deacon was sitting on the couch in his old house. Scarlett was in the kitchen fixing tea. When his phone rang, he jumped for it and Scarlett ran from the kitchen, a hopeful look on her face. He looked and saw it was Daphne. He frowned as he answered.

"Hey. Where are you?"

"In California. With Aunt Tandy." Her voice was low, like she was trying to keep from being heard.

"What? Why are you there?" He shook his head at Scarlett and she went back to the kitchen.

"Mom left me here." He could hear a quiver in her voice. "Will you come get me?"

His heart sank. He had no idea where Rayna was and he was surprised she'd left Daphne. "I can't, baby," he said sadly.

"Why not?"

"Well, I don't think your Aunt Tandy would let me." He couldn't leave Nashville anyway, but he knew Tandy would never let him near her, much less let him bring her home. "When's your mama coming back to get you?"

"I don't know." He could hear her sniffle. "Why'd she do this, Deacon?"

"She probably just needs some time…."

"No. Maddie. Why does she hate us?"

He felt like his heart was being torn in two. He couldn't comfort Daphne, his wife had left him, and his daughter had betrayed him and hurt him about as bad as anyone ever had. "I don't know, sweet girl," he said finally.

"I've gotta go. Aunt Tandy's coming." She hesitated. "Please, Deacon, come get me."

He felt tears in his own eyes. "I'll see what I can do," he said. "It'll be okay, sweetheart." When he hung up, he wondered if anything would ever be okay again.

* * *

He looked up from where he sat on the back stoop, as Scarlett opened the door. She walked out and then sat down next to him. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, looking at nothing. After a moment, she sighed. "What's going on?" she asked.

He looked back at her. "Rayna dumped Daphne out in California," he said.

"Where is Rayna?"

He shrugged. "Hell if I know."

"I can call her."

He frowned and shook his head. "No."

Scarlett looked at him sadly. "What happened?"

He looked away. "You know what happened. Cash Gray lured Maddie away from us, filled her head with all kinda nonsense about how awful Rayna and I were, Frankie betrayed me, and I hit him. And now Rayna's left, threw me out." He looked back at her, his heart both heavy and filled with rage. "There you go."

Scarlett frowned. "So, after all this time, she turns on you? Without talking to you or nothing?"

He shook his head. "Yep, that's about the size of it."

"I think you need to talk to her."

He frowned. "She won't talk to me, Scar. Hell, she won't even look at me or let me near her." He sighed. "I think we really are done."

"Don't give up, Deacon. I know y'all can work through this. I know it's bad now, but y'all went through too much for this to be the end. You just need to talk."

He heard her words, but none of them rang true. He felt about as low and beaten down as he'd ever felt in his life. He shook his head. "I don't think there's anything left. I don't think she wants to get past this." At that moment, he felt a wave of despair unlike anything he'd felt in his life. He felt betrayed, on all fronts, like all the things he'd held to be true were exposed as lies. He stood up then and looked down at his niece. "I gotta go to a meeting," he said and walked back into the house.

 _ **####**_

He was making coffee when he heard the sliding doors open. When he turned, he saw Rayna standing there, framed by the sunlight off the lake. It reminded him of the day she'd come to the cabin and he'd told her about his cancer. They'd fought that day, but eventually he'd let go of his desire to protect her. He wondered if she regretted that now.

"Hey," she said and she walked up to the kitchen island.

"Hey," he said. He watched her sit on one of the stools. "Why are you here?" he asked.

She sat and looked at him for a moment, then sighed. "I'm so sorry, Deacon. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry I left and that I wasn't there for you."

He raised his eyebrows. "So you heard?"

"About Frankie?" She nodded. "Yes. Scarlett called me. She said there was video and someone else corroborated your story." She put her hands on the counter and slid forward towards him. "I can't believe everything he did."

"He hated me, that's for sure."

She ran her tongue over her lips. "Can you forgive me?"

He took a deep breath, then shook his head. "I want to. But I don't know right now, Ray. I mean, you gave up on me. You thought I hadn't changed. You blamed me. Now, I kinda understand some of that, 'cause there was a lot of stuff being said about what happened with Frankie. A lot of stuff that was true. But out of context. And you didn't even talk to me about it. Or listen to me. So I just don't know."

She looked at him and then her face crumpled and she lowered her head, sobbing. "I feel like I've lost everything," she cried. "My daughter, my marriage, my husband. Daphne feels abandoned. I don't even know how to put it back together."

Deacon sighed. "It ain't all on you, Rayna."

She looked at him. "I guess it was just so mixed up. Maddie saying all those horrible things about us. About you. All the stuff from the lawyer. And then you were gone. Why did you even go looking for Frankie, Deacon? Why, the night before the ruling?"

He could feel the anger start to percolate again. She'd been gone for almost ten days, without a word to him. She hadn't taken his calls or answered his texts. And now she was still blaming him. "Seriously? You're still mad at _me_?"

She frowned. "You played into Frankie's hands!"

"I was defending my family! I was defending _you_! He gave Cash private information. Stuff that was protected, supposed to be confidential. I had to know why. But you never listened to me, Rayna. You decided I done what Frankie said. So on top of losing my daughter, my wife, the person who knows me best, just threw me away. What was I supposed to do, you mind telling me that?"

"You shouldn't have gone to see Frankie that night! We should have talked about it, Deacon. I was just as surprised as you were about all of that and I knew how hurt you were. How exposed you felt. We could have figured it out together, but, like always, you had to go take care of it yourself."

He slammed his hand on the counter. "You didn't have any faith in me. We were losing Maddie, Rayna! I couldn't just let it go!"

"But you shut me out, Deacon. You just went off on your own! We should have done this together."

He shook his head. "This wasn't about _you_ , Rayna, you know that. It was about _me_."

"That's ridiculous, Deacon. She was angry at me too."

"I told you, a long time ago, she was acting different to me and you didn't listen!"

"I _did_ listen, but you knew what that was about. We went through all that the day of the wedding. And she was mad at me too, thinking I was trying to control her. It was _not_ just about you. It was both of us."

"No, Ray, it wasn't. Cash used all that crap Frankie fed her. _I_ was the one that got burned on the stand!"

"Deacon, she's sixteen! I acted out when I was the same age. How could we have known?"

He shook his head, frowning at her. "You didn't listen to me. Maybe we coulda gotten through to her, done something. _You_ were the one said we had to wait it out. _You_ were in charge. Made all the decisions. Just like always."

She stood up and scowled. "And you pulled away. Just like always."

He stood for a moment, his hands on his hips, working his lip. Then he stormed out of the house.

 _ **####**_

"How do we fix this?" Rayna asked the next morning, as they sat on the porch steps.

He looked out over the lake. "I don't know." He looked at her. "Seems like we keep doing the same thing over and over."

She looked down. "I get it. I walked away…."

He shook his head. "Hell, Rayna, it's more than that. It's, you know, you can't seem to talk to me about the big stuff. You just want to, I don't know, fix it. _You_ make the decisions and you fix stuff."

She frowned. "I don't understand."

He stood up and leaned against the porch post. "I told you before. You make all the decisions. It's like you don't trust me. I mean, think about how you never told me about Maddie. I wonder if you'd just told me then, would we still be in this place? You know, it really hurt me finding out you went all those years without telling me, that you might never have told me. And you wouldn't listen to me about how Maddie had changed, even though you were never around to see it. You just didn't trust me."

She was looking up at him and caught her breath. "That's just not true, Deacon. I _do_ trust you. I've _always_ trusted you."

He shook his head and looked out over the lake. "You know, I feel like I'm on the outside, like I'm just looking in. I know you and your girls were family, but we were _all_ supposed to be a family, Ray. And I just felt, I don't know, less than, somehow."

She gasped. "Deacon, you _are_ my family. You've _always_ been my family. That hasn't changed. I never meant for you to feel like you weren't."

He could feel the tears in his eyes. "Did you ever think things coulda been different, Rayna, if we'd raised her together? Maybe we wouldn't be where we are now."

"We don't know that, Deacon. We don't know that anything would have been different." She stood up then and faced him. "And I _have_ thought about whether I should have told you then, but I can't change that now. You're right, though, I shouldn't have kept that from you. At least not all those years."

He looked at her, chewing on his lip. Finally he sighed. "There's just a lot a water under our damn bridge, Rayna. And I wonder if we can get past it or if it's just gonna keep getting in our way." He looked out over the lake and then he turned and walked back into the house. He was starting to wonder if this was the beginning of the end.

He heard her footsteps as she stormed back into the cabin. "No," she said firmly, and he turned around to face her. "No, we are _not_ going to let all of this get in our way. We went through too much for too many years to let this defeat us. I know this was hard and it was stressful, for both of us. We…" She choked on a sob. "We lost our girl," she said, her voice breaking. "It's the worst thing that's ever happened to us, but I will _not_ do this without you. I _can't_ do this without you." Tears started to roll down her face. "I feel like I'm going to die of this, Deacon. I know I said awful things to you. I know I walked away, but I just didn't know what to do. We were losing Maddie and you weren't there and I didn't know where you were and I was just out of my mind. I don't know what to do with this now. And if I don't have you, I, well, I don't know how I'll survive. I love you, Deacon. I've never not loved you. I can't do any of this without you."

He watched her as she put lifted her hands to her face and burst into deep, shuddering sobs. Then she slowly slid down onto the floor on her knees, her crying echoing through the room. He hated to see her pain. He knew that, even though it had hurt him deeply for her to walk away, she had an equally hard time dealing with all this, maybe even more than he did, because she always felt she had to hold everyone up. Right or wrong, she believed she held everyone's hearts in her hands and rarely gave herself time to feel her own pain and anguish. He felt his own heart breaking and he walked over and knelt down next to her, taking her in his arms, as they cried together, clinging to each other like anchors in a storm.

 _ **####**_

They sat on the couch, drained. Rayna moved closer to Deacon and slid her arm under his, wrapping her hand around his arm. He looked over at her. Her eyes were red and swollen, her hair a mess. He reached out and smoothed her hair back off her face and she closed her eyes and turned her cheek into the palm of his hand. "What do we do now?" he asked.

She opened her eyes and then leaned her head on his shoulder. "We have to figure it out, I guess," she said, sounding numb.

He sighed. "What does that even mean?"

She sat up and turned to face him. "There's nothing we can do about Maddie. If she realizes she's made a mistake, the legal piece is a done deal, but we can still take her back."

He clenched his jaw. "I don't know if I can do that, Ray," he said.

She looked surprised. "But she's still our daughter, babe."

He raised his eyebrows. "Look what she did, trying to get away from us, Rayna. She dragged you through this whole emancipation deal and she used all of Frankie's crap to show how scared of me she is and she believes you just want to control her life." He took a deep breath. "She don't want us, Rayna," he said angrily.

Tears started to slide down Rayna's cheeks and her face crumpled with her grief. "I can't believe she did this, Deacon," she wept. "I just can't believe our baby walked away from us." She swiped at the tears. "How do we go on? How do we live our lives after this?"

He shook his head. "I don't know." He sighed. "I really don't. I feel like we're just broken. All of us."

She looked at him. "But I think we need each other. To get through this. To comfort each other."

"I don't know, Ray. I mean, I'm so angry right now I don't even know what to do about it. I feel like me and you, we gotta help each other, but I, I guess right now I don't know if I can do that. If I can help you or let you help me."

She looked devastated and reached for his hand. "We have to, babe. If we don't, well, I don't know what happens to us. But we can't let this tear us apart."

He could hardly think in that moment, the future seeming so bleak and forbidding right then. He breathed out. "How do we do that?"

"Our attorney suggested we might want to go through some therapy. All of us. It might help to talk to someone objective."

His first instinct was to say no. He didn't want to talk about personal things with a therapist, a stranger. But as he considered it, he wondered if it would help. Because at this point, he didn't think he could talk to Rayna without getting angry and them fighting, and he didn't think that would draw them together. So he nodded. "Okay," he said quietly. "Let's do that."

* * *

In the midst of all that, he'd wondered more than once if it had been a good idea to seek out a therapist. At first it seemed to pull them even farther apart, forcing them to investigate the complicated messiness of their lives together. Slowly but surely, though, they started to mend, and finally, with a great sense of relief, they discovered they were stronger together than ever. It was then that they could finally, along with Daphne, begin to piece their lives back together and forge their new family unit into something strong and solid.

 _ **####**_

He wondered what this all felt like for Rayna. In the two days since Maddie had shown up at the house, they'd talked sparingly about it, mostly Rayna asking him how he was doing. She hadn't really talked about how she felt, other than as it related to how he felt. He didn't want to stand in her way, if she really wanted to reach out to Maddie. He hadn't known he was her father until she was thirteen. He hadn't been there to see her grow inside of Rayna, to hold her when she was first born, to be there for all those firsts. So he didn't know what it might feel like to stand in front of the child you'd carried inside your body for nine months and then raised so carefully and lovingly, even if she had cut herself out of their lives.

He felt conflicted. He didn't want to hold her back, if she wanted to talk to Maddie, but he knew he'd feel hurt if she did. She had blamed him, five years ago, for everything that had happened. Not at first, but by the end she had. That had hurt as much as any other time she'd kicked him out, maybe more. Because this time they were a team, they were married, they'd overcome everything, they thought, and were unbreakable. But that hadn't been true after all.

He thought they needed to talk about it, even though it hurt him to his core to talk about the daughter who'd betrayed him. In his head, he knew she'd been manipulated. He'd known it then, although neither he nor Rayna had known what was truly behind it. But she'd still done it willingly. She'd cooperated in sharing stories and given her approval to break him on the witness stand. She'd sat there with no remorse on her face, as her attorney had torn him down, to the point where he no longer had words. His heart didn't care that she'd been manipulated. His heart only knew that she'd broken it, irrevocably, he thought.

 _ **####**_

He walked into the bedroom and saw Rayna sitting on the side of the bed, going through her ritual of rubbing lotion over her arms and legs. She looked up at him and smiled. "Hey, babe," she said.

He walked over to her and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Then he went and sat on the bench and took off his boots. "We had a good night tonight," he said. "Audition night. Had a lot of good talent there."

"Anyone I should listen to?"

He looked back at her, over his shoulder, and smirked. "Always the label head, ain't ya?" he asked.

She smiled back, rubbing her hands together. "I can't help it," she said. Then she reached up and pulled her hair out of the ponytail holder, shaking her head to let her hair fall around her shoulders, and slid under the sheets. She leaned back against the pillows. "It's been a long day."

He pulled off his jeans and shirt and then walked around to get in on his side of the bed. As he did, she rolled onto her side, facing him. "It _has_ been a long day," he said. He leaned back on the pillows, his hands behind his head.

She scooched over towards him and ran her hand over his chest. "How you doing?" she asked, her voice quiet.

He shrugged. "Okay." He turned to look at her. "I know we gotta talk about it, but I don't know what to say."

She ran her tongue over her lower lip, looking down at her hand on his chest for a moment. Then she looked back into his eyes. "I'm not going to pressure you, babe. I promise. I won't make any decisions for us. For _you_. I just don't want us to lose each other over this."

He breathed in and then let it out in a whoosh. He moved his arm to put it around her shoulder, pulling her up against him. "I been thinking about this. A lot. I think we gotta find our own paths on this one. I promise I'll talk to you about what I'm feeling. And I won't judge. Or walk away."

She gave him a sad smile. "I agree with you." She rubbed his chest with her hand. "I'm on your side, babe. No matter how this goes, I'll always be on your side." She looked at him for a moment, then pushed against his chest just slightly as she rearranged herself so she was straddling him. She put her hands on his shoulders and he slid his hands down to her waist, just looking at her. She leaned in and kissed him, her hair trailing across his chest. "I love you, babe," she whispered against his lips. "First and always, I love you."

He looked at her, tears pricking against the back of his eyes. She was all he'd ever wanted and to know she'd be by his side in this meant everything. "I love you too, baby," he murmured. Then he wrapped his arms around her and rolled her onto her back and showed her just how much.

 _ **####**_

He wouldn't look at Maddie. He was mad as hell at Juliette for tricking him into seeing her. He wasn't sure he would ever get over how his own daughter, his own flesh and blood, had betrayed him. He had loved her so much, been so proud of her. Even though he hadn't always been able to be a father to her, he'd done his best once he knew and it had felt as though she'd stabbed his heart with a sword and then twisted it. Even after all this time, the pain was still almost more than he could bear.

"Dad, I know you're so angry with me," she started, and he could hear the tears in her voice. "I think you probably even hate me." She choked on a sob. A few minutes passed before she began again. "All I wanted, in the beginning, was a chance to sing on my own. I wanted to be like you and Mom and I couldn't understand why you wouldn't let me. I don't think I ever would have gone as far as it went if Cash hadn't talked me into it.

"I was wrong to trust her, I know. I know now she didn't have my best interests at heart. And if I'd known what she really wanted…." Maddie broke off in sobs. He stiffened, but still couldn't look at her. He knew she was trying to make amends, the way they told you to do in the program, but he wasn't ready. It still hurt so much he thought he might die of it. "I love you, Dad," she cried through her tears. "I've always loved you, even before I knew you were my dad. The fact that I hurt you like this is something I'll never forgive myself for. And I know I hurt Mom and Daphne too, but what I did to you was the worst.

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I'm not even going to ask for it. But I want you to know that if I could go back and fix this, I would." He could hear her breathe in raggedly. "I'm so ashamed, for so much. I'm ashamed that I hurt you and Mom and Daphne. I'm ashamed that I didn't appreciate you then. I'm ashamed that I let them push me into saying all those things about you. I'm…I'm ashamed that I took pills to cover up the pain and the shame of what I did.

"I know you don't want to know this, but I am an addict. I didn't want to admit that, but I tried so many times to get off of the pills and I couldn't do it. I'd keep going back. So now I understand how it was for you and I get how much it hurt you to have all that laid out there for everyone to hear." She cried some more, then he could hear her sniffling. "I got clean though. And I learned a lot about myself in rehab. I had to really face everything that I did and how much I damaged our relationship. But I'm going to be a better daughter, even if you never speak to me again or you never look at me again," she said, choking on a sob. "I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

He sat there for a few minutes after she finished talking. He could hardly take a breath and his heart felt like it was going to explode. He realized his fists were clenched so hard he couldn't open them. Finally he breathed out and slowly he was able to unclench his fists. He put his hands on his legs to steady himself and then he pushed up from the chair and walked past Juliette, who was standing guard in the hall, out of her house.

 _ **####**_

Deacon was standing at the counter in the kitchen reading over some notes, when he heard a knock on the door. He hadn't had time to even react when the door opened and Juliette stormed in. He took off his glasses and laid them on the counter, frowning. "What are you doing here?" he asked. He was still mad as hell at her.

She walked over to him, glaring at him. "You know, for someone who got a lot of second chances in his life, you sure are a hypocrite," she said, angrily.

He raised his eyebrows and stepped back from her. "Excuse me?" he said.

She put her hands on her hips. "Look, I know you're still pissed about what Maddie did, but damn, Deacon, it's been five years. Five _years_! Are you seriously telling me that you can't get over this in five years?"

He scowled. "Just a damn minute," he said, raising his voice. "Don't you come in here and try telling me how to feel, Juliette. She made her decision _five years ago_. Just because she's back here now don't mean we all got to just act like nothing ever happened." He turned away, running his hand over his mouth.

She walked around to face him. "Why don't you at least listen to what she has to say? She's so devastated that you won't even talk to her. She's still your daughter, Deacon! Your flesh and blood!"

He slammed his hand on the counter. "She tried to destroy me!" he shouted. "She broke her mama's heart. And her sister's. Just 'cause she comes home now don't mean it all goes away." He turned his head so Juliette wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

Juliette was silent for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice was softer and more compassionate. "I know, Deacon. I remember when I came home. It takes time. But a lot has changed over the past five years. _She's_ changed. She's not that impressionable little girl she was back then. She's paid a huge price for her mistakes. All she wants is a chance." She paused. "The same chance you were given." Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her lay a piece of paper on the counter. "Here's her number. Just think about it."

He closed his eyes. After a moment, he heard her walk towards the door and leave. He walked into the den, rubbing his face with his hands. He sat on one of the couches and leaned forward, trying to regain his composure. He thought about what Juliette had said. Yes, she was right, a lot of time had passed. A lot had changed. Things weren't as raw as they were in the immediate aftermath of Maddie's emancipation.

But the hole in his heart hadn't healed. Therapy had helped them all move towards a healing place, but the excruciating pain of Maddie's betrayal hadn't gone away. They didn't talk about her. Rayna had eventually cleared everything out of her bedroom and given it to charity. Occasionally they'd find something of hers and it would stir up all the old hurts. They'd give it away and eventually the scab would heal over.

He and Rayna had struggled for several months, trying to reconnect and find their way back to each other. It had taken time before things had evened out, before they were able to get back to where they'd been. They had learned to talk more, to work through issues in the moment, instead of hiding behind walls and walking away. At first it had been a major accomplishment for them to just sleep in the same bed, but it was there where they finally began to start turning to each other again. At first it was just to talk, but it moved towards giving comfort, and eventually towards intimacy again. They had promised never to take anything for granted again and they had worked hard at that.

They both had focused attention on Daphne, both together and separately. They had all needed each other then and the family they formed was tight-knit and fiercely protective. He had come to see Daphne as being a daughter to him, not just a step-daughter. Their bond had eased his pain and he felt like it had done the same for her.

Juliette had called him Maddie's father, but he surely didn't feel much like that. Hadn't felt like that in five years. But now she was here. He'd had the hardest time of the three of them with accepting her back. There had been times he'd thought about trying, but every time he thought about it, the pain engulfed him. He'd begun to wonder if he would ever be able to get past it.

Rayna had told him to only do what he could do. She'd understood his pain, hadn't made him feel bad about not being able to accept what Maddie was offering yet. She never blamed him and he was careful to respect the choices she had made. Juliette was right, though. He wasn't giving Maddie the same chance so many others had given him. He sighed. Finally he got up and walked over to the kitchen island. He pulled the piece of paper towards him. He could feel his heart twist, but he also felt like maybe it was time. He couldn't say for certain how it would go, but he would try.

He reached for his phone and punched in the number. He lifted the phone to his ear and listened to it ring. When she answered, he took a deep breath. "Hey, Maddie. It's, uh, Deacon."

 _ **####**_

Deacon was sitting at a table in one of the writing spaces at Pine Studios. Rayna was down the hall with Layla Grant, who was working on her latest album. He was facing the door, his heels tapping anxiously on the floor. He clasped his hands together on the table and nervously chewed on his lip. He heard footsteps coming down the hall and looked up, swallowing hard, but it was just a production assistant passing by. He put his hands on his thighs and sat back in the chair, looking up at the ceiling, breathing in and out.

The next time he heard footsteps, he could hear them slow down as they approached. He breathed out in a whoosh and looked towards the door. A few seconds later, Maddie appeared. He felt like his heart was in his throat. He breathed in deeply and then pushed up from the chair, not taking his eyes off her. In many ways, she still looked like the sixteen year old who had angrily divorced her parents, stalking off with a woman who would only lead her down a disastrous path. She still looked young and vulnerable, but he supposed that was because rehab would have knocked her back a bit. At the same time he could see an aged wisdom in her eyes, a sadness that might never go away completely. She didn't look as thin as he remembered, from that night she'd shown up on their front porch, and the circles were gone from under her eyes. She was dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, a denim jacket, and boots, her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

She stepped in and gave him a wary smile. "Hey," she said.

He nodded. "Hey," he said finally.

"Thanks for seeing me." He raised his eyebrows. She seemed like she was going to come around the table, but he put his hand up and she stopped. She bit her bottom lip and then she pulled out a chair and sat down.

He pulled out the chair across from her and sat, not pulling it up to the table. He put his hands on his legs. "Your mama thought it would be good…if we talked."

She nodded. "I know I hurt you, Dad…."

He frowned. "I don't wanna talk about that. I ain't quite ready to go there. Okay?"

"Okay."

He nodded and just looked at her for a minute, trying to decide where to start. "So, uh, how are you? Now."

She gave him a ghost of a smile. "Clean. And feeling good." She breathed in. "Rehab is hard." She smiled again. "Which I know I don't have to tell you. But it was good for me. Helped me in a lot more ways than just getting clean." She tilted her head slightly to one side. "I never was a drinker, just so you know. Ca…I got drunk once, and it was really awful. I was so sick and I had a headache for, like, three days."

He gave her a small smile. "I remember that feeling."

She looked down. "I'm sure it disappoints you." She looked up. "Or, maybe it doesn't."

He shook his head. "Maddie, I would never wish that on you. It's a terrible disease, a demon you carry on your back your whole life. I had hoped you'd be spared that."

She smiled a little. "Well, with luck and staying focused, it won't happen again."

He looked at her closely. "Was it worth it?"

She looked confused. "Rehab? Or being an addict?"

"No. Leaving home."

She breathed in slowly. "Not really." She swallowed hard and he could see tears in her eyes. He clenched his jaw. "You and Mom were right, about most of it. I mean, performing and all of that, I wanted that, even though it didn't go quite like I'd planned. I regret…." She stopped and shook her head slightly. "I know now that y'all were trying to keep the bad stuff from happening to me. And I didn't really have anyone to do that. At least not until Glenn came along. I realized that I didn't really have anyone looking after _me_. I just had someone who was using me to get what they wanted. So it wasn't all good."

He breathed in. He watched her carefully. Something bugged him about the look on her face. "Did anyone….?"

She looked at him. "I was too young. People take advantage of that. But I took care of myself."

He rubbed his hands over his face. He felt a little bit of the protective instinct creep in and it felt both good and awkward. He'd agreed to open the communication lines, but he didn't want to step in too deeply. At least not right away. It's what got him in trouble in the past. Opening himself up and then having the door slammed in his face again. Being too open and having his heart torn up. And she was an addict. Just like him. So he knew it would be easy to let his guard down. He looked at her again and nodded. "That's good. Sounds like you got some of your mama in you then."

She opened her mouth as though she were going to say something, then closed it and nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

He closed his eyes for a moment and had a flash of that day in the courtroom. The day her lawyer badgered him with all his shortcomings, all his failings. And he remembered the dark look on her face. He shook his head and opened his eyes. She was watching him. He stood up. "Look, Maddie, I gotta go. I…maybe we can do this again, okay?"

She looked up at him, hopefulness in her eyes. "I'd really like to," she said, with a shy smile. "I know it's hard, but thank you."

He nodded brusquely and then walked around the table and out the door.

* * *

He walked down the hall and out the door. He crossed the parking lot and got into his truck. He quickly pulled out his phone and sent Rayna a text. _Gone home._ He threw the phone on the seat. Then he started the car and headed for the road.

As he drove he could hear the buzzing of his phone. Then Rayna's name popped up on the dashboard, but he didn't answer. He didn't trust himself right then. He could feel the tears in his eyes and lifted one hand, then the other, and rubbed his face with the heel of his hand.

His heart felt like it was going to explode. He really had wanted not to still feel the pain, the hurt, but it was still there. He'd wanted to ask her why, demand she explain why she'd wanted it so bad that she would hurt her own family to get it. But he was afraid of the answer.

* * *

Rayna found him in the music room, when she got home. She sat down next to him on the couch and just reached out and rubbed his shoulder, not saying a word. He felt all the emotions he'd felt earlier that day wash over him again. He breathed in and then he turned to look at her. "I'm sorry, baby," he said. "I'm sorry I left you there."

She shook her head. "It's okay. Bucky brought me home." She looked at him sadly and laid her other hand on his thigh. "How you doing, babe?"

He looked up at the ceiling, the tears pressing behind his eyes. "Not good," he whispered hoarsely. He turned back to look at her. "I'm sorry I couldn't do it."

She frowned slightly. "What are you talking about? You _did_ do it. You faced her. You talked to her."

He sat up and took her hand in his. "Not much. I thought I could do it, but once she got in there, sat down in front of me, I didn't have nothing to say to her." He breathed in and out. "All I could feel was mad."

She ran her thumb over his hand. "It's just gonna take some time, babe…."

He looked at her, a fierce look on his face. "I don't know, Ray. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to do this. Looking at her, I mean, all I can see is how much scared she was." All of a sudden, the tears started, and he had a giant lump in his throat. "All I can remember is how my baby girl looked at me like she was scared I would hurt her," he choked out. He leaned forward, his face in his hands, unable to stop crying.

She leaned over and put her arms around him, laying her head on his shoulder and making soothing noises. "It's okay," she said softly. "You don't have to do it all at once. Just take your time."

He took a deep breath. "You ain't mad at me then?" he asked.

"Of course not." She sat up and he did as well, looking at her. "We all have to deal with this our own way, in our own time. I could never be mad at you for taking your time. I know how hurt you were. And I will do whatever you need to support you. Whatever you decide."

He leaned in and kissed her. "Thanks, baby," he said. Then he kissed her again and she pulled him into her arms.

 _ **####**_

Scarlett looked surprised to see him when she opened the door. "Hey. Come on in." She stood back and let him in. "You're kinda far from home today," she said with a smile.

He smirked. "Can't a guy come see his favorite niece?" he said.

"Which one?" She winked.

He laughed. "Both of 'em."

"Well, Galadriel's taking a nap right now, but you can take a look at her if you like."

He nodded. "I would like." Scarlett led him upstairs to the bedroom her almost three year old occupied. She opened the door and he stepped just inside. The shades had been drawn, so it was dim in the room, decorated for the fairy princess that Galadriel was. He smiled to himself as he noticed the little girl was wearing a tutu and wings. _She really does take this fairy stuff seriously._

Scarlett grabbed his arm and he turned to look at her. "Come on," she whispered. He followed her out of the room and she closed the door quietly. Then she looked up at him. "Doesn't take much for her to wake up and I really need her to take a long nap," she said, still speaking quietly.

He followed her downstairs and they sat down on the couch. He looked around. "Where's Gunnar?" he asked.

"He and Noel are at Highway 65 talking about tour stuff with Bucky and Rayna," she said. She waved her hand. "Boring, boring, boring." Then she smiled at him. "So what brings you here?"

He shrugged. "Just needed to get out of the house."

She frowned. "What happened?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Nothing happened. What makes you think something happened?"

"Because you're acting all twitchy, that's why." She raised her eyebrows back at him.

He scowled. "What the hell does twitchy mean?"

"For one thing, you're being defensive. Plus you don't ever come over here, that's what it means."

"That ain't true. I do come over here."

"Not in the middle of the day. Unannounced."

"Well, I can just leave then." He moved to get up, but she reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Don't," she said. He hesitated, then sat back. Her face softened. "What's going on?"

He worked his lip for a moment. "I saw Maddie today."

She looked at him thoughtfully. "How's that going?"

He shrugged. "I don't know." He sighed and looked at her. "I feel like I'm disappointing Rayna."

"I don't think you're disappointing Rayna. Why would you say that?"

"I feel like she wants me to just accept Maddie back. But it ain't that easy, you know?" He rubbed his face with his hands. "It don't feel natural. We been trying, for a while. But I still don't even know what to say to her now."

Scarlett was quiet for a moment. "What do you want to be able to say to her?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I don't know. Sometimes I wanna tell her how mad she made me. Sometimes I wanna ask her why she really done it. She keeps telling me she wants to make it up to me, but I just don't know how she's gonna do that." He looked at his niece.

"I don't think all that's really important anymore, Deacon," she said. "You might disagree with me, but it's been five years. And when all that happened, she was sixteen. Practically a baby. If you don't want to forgive her, that's up to you. It's _your_ decision. Not Rayna's or anyone else's. And I don't think anyone would not understand why you couldn't do that." She sighed. "But think about this. She's your little girl. She made mistakes. You made mistakes. But she's part of you. No matter what, she's always part of you." She ran her hand over her skirt, smoothing it down. "I don't know what I'd do if something like that ever happened to Galadriel and me. I always think back about Mama and me and, you know, we had a hard time. We hurt each other so bad, but in the end I forgave her and I'm so glad I did. Think about that."

He sat and wondered if he could do that, forgive his daughter. She'd done unspeakable things, but Scarlett was right about her being young. And certainly manipulated by someone who didn't have her best interests at heart. When he'd allowed himself to look in her eyes, he'd seen an immense sadness there, pleading with him to let her in. He'd spent all these years, though, pushing her out of his life and he wasn't sure his heart could stand being hurt again. But he was going to have to think about those things some other time, because just then, behind him, came a high-pitched squeal of joy.

"Unca Deacon!" Galadriel cried. He turned and grinned as the little angel-faced blonde raced down the stairs and into his arms. "I'm so glad you came to see me!" He laughed as he hugged her tight, careful not to squash her wings, and then he looked at Scarlett over the little girl's head. He wondered if he could ever get back to a time when he could hug his own daughter with the same kind of joy he felt when he hugged Scarlett's.

 _ **####**_

Scarlett was wrong. It _did_ matter why Maddie left. At least it mattered to him. He needed to hear her say it, even as painful as he knew it would be to hear it. They'd started meeting at Percy Warner Park. Not regularly, but when he felt he could do it. He'd texted her the night before and asked her to meet him. He hadn't told Rayna and wasn't sure why. He was already there, sitting on the park bench, when Maddie walked up the trail. It made his heart hurt to see her, the way it always did. He was always surprised, though, at how much she still looked the same. The same as she had when she was still his little girl, when she still loved him in that easy, uncomplicated way. She looked young and untouched, even though he knew that wasn't the case anymore.

He stood as she approached. She stopped a few steps away from him, understanding now that he wasn't ready for her attempts to embrace him. She smiled shyly. "I was so glad to hear from you," she said.

He just nodded, not sure what to say. She sat at the opposite end of the bench and he sat back down as well. He didn't know how to lead up to what he wanted to know, so he just jumped in. "I need to know why you left," he said.

Her smile faded then and she looked down at her hands. It took a moment before she looked back up at him. "I felt trapped," she said, her eyes sad. "I felt misunderstood. I felt like I was being treated like a child."

He frowned. "You _were_ a child," he retorted.

She raised her shoulders a bit, then sighed. "I was a teenager, Dad. A really mixed up, confused teenager. So many things had happened in my life and I was at a place where I needed, wanted, more. Surely you know what that felt like." She looked at him a little sharply. "Didn't you come to Nashville when you were that age? Didn't Mom go out on her own then?"

He scowled. "Things were different then, Maddie."

She shook her head. "Not really. Oh, I get that technology had changed and the business was different, but the need to follow your dream. That really hasn't changed. That was what I wanted and I was feeling like you and Mom were holding me back."

"You had a contract with Highway 65, Maddie."

"Yeah. With my _sister_. My twelve year old _sister_. I thought I was a lot more grown up than I really was and I felt like I'd done things she couldn't understand." She shrugged. "And that you and Mom didn't understand. Unfortunately there was someone who fed all of that angst and encouraged me to do things I might not have done otherwise."

He huffed. "She was a bad seed."

She nodded. "You're right, she was. But she was older than me and I thought she understood me so much better than you and Mom." She shrugged. "I don't know that it should have been so surprising. I think that's pretty normal at that age. I mean, as basically cool as you and Mom really were, you were still my parents. And you still put boundaries on me and I didn't like it. Most of my friends were the same. The difference was that I had someone in my life who encouraged bad behavior. But I'm not going to put all the blame on her. I went along with it. It was what I thought I wanted."

He looked at her sharply. "All of it?"

A look of sadness crossed her face. "No. She took me places I didn't want to go, she introduced me to people who weren't nice to me, she encouraged things that were dangerous. But I didn't think I had any alternative. I didn't think I could come home. I'd burned my bridges and I kind of had to keep going."

He worked his lip for a moment. "Was it all worth it? Everything you done?" he asked quietly.

A tear streaked down her face. She shook her head. "No, it wasn't. I hurt the people who loved me the most. _That_ wasn't worth it."

He sat forward, looking away from her. "And yet you did it."

She was silent. "And yet I did it," she finally whispered.

His heart hurt so bad. He turned and looked at her. "I ain't ever gonna forget that, Maddie," he said. "I don't think I can ever forget that. I never thought I wouldn't love you. You were my _child_ , part of me, but I couldn't even think about you for so long." He stood up. "I know you want me to say I understand, that I can get past it, but I don't know how to do that right now. I'm still mad. I'd let it go for a long time, was happy with your mama and with Daphne. And now you're back and it turns everything upside down. I just don't know how to do this." He could feel the tears in his eyes and he turned and walked quickly down the trail, away from her.

 _ **####**_

The week was shaping up to be a busy one at Claybourne's. Rayna had booked a showcase for Highway 65 and Big Machine had as well, both for signee hopefuls. Deacon particularly liked the showcases since they brought in not only new and potentially exciting talent, but a full house. Audiences always liked to hope they'd be there for the next big discovery. He had two open mic nights, one an open call and one an audition only. Those spots had become as coveted as the ones at the Bluebird and often up-and-comers would try to hit both, for maximum exposure. He also had standard writers' nights which were always well-attended.

Opening this place had been a healing balm for him. After he'd sold his share of the Beverly, he'd let himself drift for a bit. He and Rayna had written that album and done that tour and that had helped heal them. He'd felt a measure of vindication when the Beverly had gone under, shortly after he'd gotten out. But he found he missed the chance to give songwriters a place for their voices to be heard and that's when he'd found this space and opened it up as a listening room. It had taken off almost immediately and it had given him a great deal of satisfaction to know he'd made it a success, on his own.

He was sitting at one of the tables out front, working on the line-ups, as the early shift got the place ready to open. He inserted himself into one of the writers' rounds. It had been awhile since he'd done one and, since Avery Barkley was participating, he wanted to join in.

He heard the knock on the door, but didn't look up. One of the staff walked over to unlock it. They weren't open for another hour, but it wasn't unusual for newcomers to stop by and inquire about how to get into an open mic or audition session. He looked up when he heard the footsteps coming towards him and caught his breath.

"Hey, Dad," Maddie said, a tentative smile on her face.

"Hey, Maddie," he said, his guard instantly up. It was habit, one he was trying to overcome, but it was still there.

"I, uh, I know you have auditions coming up for one of your new artist nights. I was wondering if maybe I could audition." She looked nervous, her eyes flitting around, not settling in any one place.

He looked at her for a moment, working his lip. "You know you don't get no special favors," he said.

She nodded. "I know. I'm not asking for any. I just want a chance. I'm just trying to get back on track."

He took a deep breath and then looked down at his list for auditions. He looked back up at her. "I don't have nothing this week, but next week I can put you down," he said.

She smiled then, a genuine smile, a smile he'd missed without really realizing it. "Thank you. I really want to try to do things right this time."

His chest felt tight. He wished it were easier, talking to her, having her around, but he was still struggling with all of it. He nodded. "See you then," he said, and then he put on his glasses and focused back on his papers. After a moment, he heard her footsteps as she left, and he slowly felt the tightness ease.

 _ **####**_

He stood at the podium in front of his regular group. He hadn't spoken in a while. Not since Maddie had come home. His sponsor, Richard, had urged him to think about it, but he hadn't been able to. It was hard enough talking to Rayna about it, much less standing up in front of a bunch of people and laying out all his hurt. But it had been close to a year since she'd shown up on their doorstep. They had finally taken some tentative steps towards talking to each other, but it still felt forced and hard.

He looked out over the group as they watched him expectantly. His mouth felt dry and his heart was pounding. It was as though he were nervous, which really wasn't the case. But it felt almost like the first time he'd gotten up and spoken to a group. Back when he was newly sober and scared as hell that he wasn't going to make it. Again. He cleared his throat. "I'm going through probably the hardest thing I gone through since I got sober," he said finally. Several people nodded, as though they already understood.

"My…daughter left Nashville five years ago. She got herself emancipated" – he practically spit out the offensive word – "and walked away from all of us. She wasn't but sixteen then, too young to know what she was doing, even though she thought she did. She just wanted away from us, her mama and me." He bowed his head for a minute, trying to regain his composure. "She coulda come and talked to us. We woulda listened. It wasn't like we hadn't been through it ourselves, both of us. We coulda helped her do it the right way. But she was young and someone filled her head with lies and enticements. Told her she wasn't being supported. Brainwashed her." He squeezed the sides of the podium. "If she'd just asked us," he said, choking on the last couple words.

He took a deep breath, fighting back the threatening tears. "I didn't know about her til she was thirteen. I mean, I'd known her all her life, but didn't know she was my daughter til then. So I didn't get much time with her as her daddy. But it was the best thing in my life, other than her mama." He felt a tear escape and he brushed at it angrily. "She said terrible things, hateful things. She thought I was a monster." He took a deep breath. "And, truthfully, I gave her some reason to think that, even though it wasn't ever aimed at her," he said, his voice shaking with both anger and anguish. "But she got what she wanted." He took another deep breath. "She came back almost a year ago. Trying to rebuild what she threw away." He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "And I want to let her try, but I can't stop remembering."

He stepped back for a moment, rubbing his face with his hands. He breathed in and out, blinking rapidly at the tears that inexplicably wouldn't go away. Then he stepped back up to the podium. "Turns out she got hooked on pills, so I passed that on to her, which hurts like hell. We're trying to work it out. I guess, it's _me_ that's trying to work it out. She's there, but every time I take a step forward, it feels like two steps back." He struggled again with the tears, gripping the sides of the podium and looking up towards the ceiling. "How do you heal your heart when it gets so broken and beaten like that? How do you fix it when your own flesh and blood tells you how scared they are to be around you? I can't hug her yet, I can barely even hold her hand for a second."

He bowed his head, breathing in and out again. "Every time she calls me Dad, it's like she's stabbing me in the gut." He worked his lip for a moment. "Her mama's forgiven her. Her sister's forgiven her. People keep telling me to give her a chance, to listen, to move forward instead of look back. But I can't." His voice broke and he swallowed hard. "How do you learn to love your child again after that? That's what I need to know." He could feel the tears running down his face and couldn't stop them. "That's all," he whispered brokenly, and then he left the podium and walked out of the room.

 _ **####**_

When the door opened to the music room, he looked up. Rayna slipped in, closing the door behind her, and he smiled. She walked around the couch and sat down next to him, leaning in and, putting her hands on his cheeks, kissed him. Then she sat back and smiled at him. "What's up?" he asked, his smile getting wider. He turned to put his guitar down, then back to her.

"I just got word that 'The Choice' is going to be number one this week," she said, tears filling up her eyes.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, shaking his head slightly. Then he looked back at her, his own eyes filled with emotion. "Have you told her yet?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I want us to tell her together. Maybe tonight at dinner." She reached for his hands, then sighed. "I remember when I thought she and Maddie would do it together." He tensed and she could feel it, squeezing his hands tighter. "Do you ever wish we could go back and fix all this?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper.

He looked at her, heartbreak in her eyes. He felt his chest tighten and his heart ached. He breathed in. "Every damn day, baby," he said. "Every damn day."


	6. Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

 _ **It's now been a year since Maddie came back to Nashville, and this is all coming together at her one-year mark at being clean.**_

Rayna hurriedly walked into the bedroom. Deacon was sitting on the bench at the end of the bed. She stopped. "Babe, we're ready to go," she said.

He looked up at her. "I can't do it, Ray," he said.

She frowned. "What do you mean? I thought things were getting better. And this is important…."

He frowned back at her. "I'm talking to her. Ain't that enough? I just don't think I can do this. I ain't ready, for this."

She sighed and then walked over to sit next to him. "I know it hasn't been easy. I know there's still a lot of work to do. But this is a chance to celebrate how far she's come." She really wanted him to come with her. She struggled sometimes with how much he'd dug his heels in on reuniting with Maddie, but then she would remind herself that she needed to remember that his pain was different from hers. And that she needed to let him take the lead where he needed to, let him feel some sense of control. She needed to let him make his own decisions, not make them for the both of them.

He rubbed his face. "But she and me, we're a long way from that. You know that. I still get so angry, every time I look at her. I know I'm supposed to get past it. I know what this is like." He looked at her. "But you know how long it took you. With me."

She looked down at her lap. "I know." She looked back up at him and put her hand on his cheek. "I understand. She will too." She leaned in and kissed him. "I love you."

He took her hand and kissed her again. "I love you too. I'll see you when you get home."

He watched her as she walked out the door. He knew she was disappointed – not at him, just that he and Maddie hadn't been able to bridge the gap. He wanted to, but he hadn't been able to fully get there. They'd talked about more superficial things, like her songwriting and performing around town, about people she was working with. They had talked some about her recovery, how she was doing. But whenever they touched on what had happened back when she was sixteen, he'd found it hard to process. He wanted to be able to get past it, but he just hadn't.

He hadn't been able to really touch her either. No hugs, just briefly holding her hand, letting go quickly before it overwhelmed him. Because every time he thought about getting closer, he remembered how much she'd hurt him and he pulled away.

She'd asked him to come today, but he'd decided it would be too painful. Instead he went to his dresser drawer and pulled out the letter she'd given him. She'd handed it to him a few weeks before, told him it was it was all the things she'd wanted to say, and to read it when he was ready.

He looked at the envelope with the word 'Dad' written on the outside. He turned it over and over in his hand and then finally walked up to the music room. He laid the envelope on the table and just stared at it. He hadn't been sure he was ready to read it, was a little afraid of what was in it and whether it would make things worse. He closed his eyes, thinking back on the times the two of them had spent working on music, at his house and, later, here.

They hadn't had a lot of time to spend here, but he remembered sitting with her on one of the couches, sounding out a song or teaching her a complicated riff. He teared up as he thought about all they had lost and then he wiped his eyes. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Maybe it was time. Maybe he needed to really hear what she had to say. He turned the envelope over and slid his finger along the edge to open it. He pulled out the several sheets of paper and let out a deep breath. Finally he straightened out the handwritten pages and began to read.

 _Dear Dad,_

 _First of all, you are that to me. Even if you never accept me fully back into your life, you are my very dear Dad._

 _I've always loved you. Mom told me once that, when I was a baby, I went to you when I wouldn't go to any other stranger. It was like somehow I knew, even then. For many years you were 'Uncle Deacon' and you were always my favorite person. You treated me respectfully and with love, always. You listened to me and made me feel important and never acted like you had more important stuff to do than spend time with a little girl._

 _You were always patient with me, whether it was showing me how to play a guitar or singing with me or carrying me on your shoulders._

 _You always encouraged me, telling me how talented I was or helping me to be better. I knew I could always count on you to be honest._

 _I know when we found out you were my dad, it was awkward for a minute. Maybe even more for you than for me. It was an adjustment, but, as always, you were patient and let me kind of take the lead and as time went on we found a new rhythm._

 _I'd sometimes wondered why I didn't quite feel like I fit with my family. I felt like I had emotions and feelings and interests that were so different. When I found out you were my dad, it felt like all the pieces of the puzzle fit together for the first time. There were so many times when I'd look at you and my heart would nearly burst from knowing you were my dad. That your blood ran in me. It felt right and perfect and I felt so blessed._

 _I know I was the one who messed that up. I wish I could change it, go back and make it not have happened. But I can't. It did happen, and I have to live with the pain and hurt and disappointment I caused you. I have to live with the fact that it drove a wedge between you and Mom, even though y'all were able to fix that. And I know I made Daphne feel bad and you had to help her get past that. I have to live with the damage I caused and I won't ever be able to forget that._

 _When you and Mom came home that night to tell Daphne and me you were together, it was my dream come true. I know we still went through heartache with your cancer, but we made it through. We were a family. I had been so scared I would lose you forever then, and now I kind of have, only this is worse. Because you're still here, still alive, but you're lost to_ _me_ _._

Deacon stopped reading and put the letter down, mostly because the tears that filled his eyes clouded his vision. He thought back to the early days, back after he'd learned she was his daughter. It had been tough then, because he didn't know how to be a father and he didn't know how to even get started. He didn't want to mess things up and so he was probably more cautious than he should have been. Things between him and Rayna were so strained back then that he hadn't even felt like he could reach out to her for help.

Maddie was right, it _had_ been awkward at first. Music had been what had brought them together, though. It had helped them learn to be a father and a daughter, to learn how they connected so they could finally make it work. It had been the most important part of his life back then and he missed it. She was part of him and turning her away tore his heart out almost as much as when she'd turned away from him.

He rubbed his hands over his face and breathed in. Then he picked the letter back up and continued reading.

 _I cry every night about the fact that I don't have the right words to convince you to give me another chance. I don't blame you – I was the daughter you loved and cherished and I destroyed that. I can only pray that we can still find a way to rebuild that relationship. I could live without it being the same, I think, if I could just have a place in your life again._

 _I need you to know that the hardest thing I ever did was sit on that witness stand and say I was afraid. I didn't want to do that, didn't completely agree with it. But I was young and stupid and I let someone convince me that was the only way I could get what I wanted. And then it turned out that what I thought I wanted wasn't something I should have aspired to after all. It was a painful, hard lesson to realize that there are consequences, always, for everything you do and say._

 _I'm working my way through this recovery and, more than anything, I'd like to be able to talk with you about my journey and hear about yours. I know it's painful for you to have me walk this same path, but I would love to walk it with you. This has been the hardest thing I've ever done, harder than I thought it would be. I want you to be proud of me, that I did this. Even though I know you wouldn't have wanted it for me, I hope you're proud that I'm doing it._

 _I love you, Dad, more than I'll ever be able to express. I'm so grateful we can at least talk now, but I want so much more, and I know I have no right to ask for or expect it. But I pray every day for another chance. Even if it doesn't happen and you can't get there, I will still love you._

 _You're the best man I know. You're the best man I'll ever know._

 _I love you,_

 _Maddie_

He lowered his head as he considered her words. Then he laid the letter on the table and cried.

 _ **~nashville~**_

Maddie walked up to the podium and stood for a moment, looking out over the group that was there. A lot of familiar faces looked back at her, people she'd supported and who'd supported her during her journey. Most of them were the other members of Narcotics Anonymous, people with only one name, who encouraged her and cheered her successes and bolstered her during the tougher times. She thought they'd known who she really was, most of them anyway, but they never let on. They treated her just like everyone else and she had appreciated the love and acceptance she'd felt.

But there were other faces in the group, familiar faces, people who, in some cases, she'd never expected to support her in her journey. Juliette was there, of course, smiling proudly at her. She had been the one who'd helped her finally escape Cash's clutches. Glenn, who'd been fatherly when she'd needed it and sympathetic always. But it was being able to look out and see her mom and her sister sitting there that filled her heart with the most joy. It was tempered, of course, with the fact that her father wasn't there. She despaired of ever making that relationship right, but she took a deep breath and focused on how far she had come.

She gripped the sides of the podium and licked her lips. "Hey, I'm Maddie, and I'm an addict," she said finally, her voice a little shaky.

"Hi Maddie," the crowd responded.

Maddie smiled. "Today I've been clean for a year." She was interrupted by the applause and cheers and she smiled more broadly. "I hope you'll indulge me today because I have a lot to say." There were nods and affirmative murmurs from the group. She took a deep breath and then focused her attention for a moment on her mother, her sister, Juliette, and Glenn, all sitting together in the back row. They smiled encouragingly and that gave her courage. "It was hard for me to admit I was an addict. _Am_ an addict," she started. "I mean, I didn't have to have pills every day. I could stop, sometimes for weeks. I could still get up on stage and perform or do an interview or record an album. But that was one of the first things I learned in rehab. I _am_ an addict. And now I'm recovering.

"The person who got me started was someone I thought was a friend. And she gave me the pills so I'd feel better. So I could get through each day. They helped me forget what I'd done, helped me be able to sleep at night. I thought I was all grown up back then, even though I was only sixteen." The impulse to cry overwhelmed her for a second and she took a couple of deep breaths. Her voice was a little shaky when she started again, but she dug down and got past it. "I thought my parents were the worst, keeping me from doing what I loved. My mom was on her own when she was sixteen and I thought I could do that too, that I didn't need anyone. But the difference between the two of us was that she had my dad back then. I really had no one. Except for someone who didn't really care about _me_ , only about using me and destroying my family.

"I lost so much back then. But I had one good friend, who stuck by me." She smiled at Juliette, who beamed at her. "She told me I needed to come home, face what I'd done. My manager supported me and made sure I got to a safe place. And my first dad, who raised me when I was young. He bought my plane ticket to Nashville and took me to the airport. 'Make it right', he said.

"It was hard. My family wouldn't accept me at first. I don't blame them. What I did was pretty unforgivable. Horrible. At first they shut me out. But then my mom took me to rehab. Mostly to make sure I went, I think. But she and my sister visited me and we finally started to heal.

"They both came to pick me up and I was so grateful. We're still working on things, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I love them so much and I want them to know that." She got teary again and she smiled at her mom and sister. Her heart felt almost full.

Then the smile faded and she couldn't keep from crying. "The worst part, though, is how much I damaged the relationship with my dad. I was cruel and awful and hurt him badly. All he'd ever done was love me and I ruined it. We still can't really talk much about all of that. I asked him to come today, but he couldn't. I don't know if he'll ever forgive me or if things can ever be the same again. I won't give up, but I have to accept that I may have destroyed that relationship forever. If only I could…oh, my God."

She put her hands over her mouth and began to sob as she watched Deacon enter the room. He took a few steps forward and then she ran down the aisle to him. "Oh, my God, Dad, you came," she sobbed. She threw her arms around him and slowly he put his arms around her. He pulled her in closer, his hand on the back of her head, hugging her for the first time in six years, and then he broke down in tears of his own.

After a moment, he whispered into her ear, "I _am_ proud of you, Maddie. And I do love you. We'll figure it all out, I promise."

 _ **THE END**_

 _ **Thanks for reading, y'all!**_


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